填空心理测验

不管白猫黑猫会捉老鼠就是好猫。
不管美女丑女会_____就是好女人。
不管帅哥傻哥会_____就是伟哥。

女儿美是祸水。
男儿__是祸_。

American football (watercooler conversation during deflationary period)

Chinese co-worker to Korean co-worker:

"Do you know why Americans play American football?"

"no, why?"

"Because it's easy to make. If you ever look at a deflated football, it's 4 pieces of rhombus shaped leather sewed together."

"ahhh..."

"Well!, that's not exactly how it's made,"

says one upset normal co-worker listening to the conversation...

"See, your parents are so cheap, they bought you the cheapest football in the store. The higher end ones are actually not rhombus shaped, they have a curvature that makes the football more... football like."


"burn!"

screamed other normal co-workers...

feminist

女权主义者


(from google translate)

IM-Sex {{adult material!!! 少儿不宜。}}

H:你的白白的小手。。。。
H:轻轻的
H:碰到
H:胆小地
H:渴望地
H:伸过去
H:她的身体颤抖着，期望着
她。。。。

她。。。

有 点冷

也可能是冷得颤抖

你碰到她了

她吓得一跳

她那寒冷地颤抖着的胸脯

你碰了一下但是收回手

她大叫：“不！！！“

”不！！不要离开！！“

她把你的手拉回胸口

用你的手抚摸着

按揉着越来越敏感的。。。

奶头子，

越来越感，期待着爱的奶子

她似乎高潮了

浑身抽筋似地颤抖,把你紧紧地抱着，她的激情包围了你的身体。




[你以为故事完了吧？]



你正准备起床逃脱这个你不想告诉以后男朋友的一刻。

但是她扑象你

用赤裸裸的浑身把你拖回床上

你。。。

你想拒绝

但是又有一股极大的力量

是好奇的力量

欲望的力量

（她的，你的，你们的欲望）

一个你不懂的力量，把你绑再床上

。。。。。。

哦，对了，是她用围巾把你的是手脚绑在床头柜和床档上

然后

然后

她迫不及待的把头埋在你的腿之间。

你

你不懂

她要干什么？？？？？？

二唇，起初，互相调戏着、挤压着、抿含着、玩弄着。后来互相狂吻，热乎乎，沾粘粘。

她在干什么？？？（你的脑袋里大叫着，她在干什么？）

但是，

这个问题很快被另外一个

没有声音的声音覆盖了。

你的浑身

突然慢慢地那热而不觉的熔岩漫到边缘。

浑身都充满了她的滚烫的爱

软了

痒了

出汉了

不！ 不对，不是汉！！

反正，反正，浑身都湿了

更软了

更痒了

更湿了

更！更！！更！！！。。。。。。。

但是！！但是！！！不能，但是！！！

妳

她

妳

她

妳们

!




没有声音了

没有你，没有她，没有妳们了。。。。


只有一床的湿润。。。。。


纯洁的暧昧





温柔地抚摸着



恋恋不舍


难分难解


不想完，要永远永远这样


爱





“爽！！！！！”


她突然大叫


打破了妳那处女初次的陶醉。


“我走了!”
“明天还要上班呢!!”


“什么？？”
你觉得好突然呀。。。。

她怎么。。。

她。。。。难到跟我感觉不一样吗？

但是她已经走了

把妳落潮湿的遗失中。妳在颤抖，但是，这一次，是妳冷了。她不在了

妳冷了。。。。好想她呀。

when to get married

摘自肉麻恋爱博客

"""
问：什么时候知道两个人可以好下去？可以有美好的婚姻？

答：如果两个人谈时把自己过去的故事讲完了，然后再讲一便，还互相感兴趣，还想听，那么他们可能会好下去了。

答2：互相制造新故事觉得都很过瘾、也可能会好下去。

"""

here's the full quote

A Prairie Home Companion Movie Soundtrack Lyrics

Woody Harrelson & John C. Reilly – Bad Jokes

The blind man's seein' eye dog
Pissed on the blind man's shoe
The blinds man said, "Here, Rover
Here's a piece of beef for you"
His wife said, "Don't reward him
You can't just let that pass"
The blind man said
"I gotta find his mouth
So I can kick him in the ass"

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

You got one, Dusty?
I got one, Lefty.
Let's hear it.

When God created woman
He gave her not two breasts but three
When the middle one got in the way
God performed surgery
Woman stood before God
With the middle breast in hand
Said, "What do we do
With the useless boob?"
And God created man

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

Gramps turned eighty the other day
And everybody was there
And he was dressed up in a brand new suit
Sitting in his big armchair
When a beautiful young naked woman
Stood up in front of the group
She offered Gramps some super sex
And he said, "I'll take the soup"

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

You ready for another one?
Yeah, lay it on me.

Ole went to the neighborhood dance
And he won the big door prize
It was a toilet brush
And he took it home
And the next week one of the guys
Said, "Ole, how's that toilet brush?
The one you won from the neighbors?"
Ole said, "Oh, it works pretty good
But I prefer toilet paper"

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

The farmer had a champion bull
Who bred 200 times a year
The farmer's wife said, "200 times?
Isn't that wonderful, dear?
Maybe you ought to watch him
Maybe he'll show you how"
The farmer said, "He's a heck of a bull
But it wasn't all with the same cow"

Come on, now, bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

You've got another one, Dusty?
Actually I do
Did you hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen?
No, who they think did it?
Well, they don't know, but they're on the lookout for hardened criminals.

You got another one?
I got another one, Lefty.

Sven said to his friend,
"Boy, I think my wife died."
His friend said,
"Well, what do you mean, you think?"
"Well, the sex is still the same,
but the dishes are stackin' up."

Hey, Dusty.
Yeah, Lefty?
Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, it runs in your jeans.

Hey, uh, heh, Lefty?
Yeah? Go ahead.
Why do they call it PMS?
PMS? Why, I don't know. Why?
'Cause Mad Cow was already taken.

Hey, Dusty.
Yeah, Lefty?
What do you get when you cross holy water with castor oil?
I don't know, Lefty. What do you get?
A religious movement.

Hey, uh... hey, Lefty, what did the elephant say to the naked man?
What'd he say?
It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?

Come on, now.
Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me
Bad jokes
Man, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad...whoo...jokes for me

diarrhea

diarrhea is hereditary

'cos it runs in your jeans!

hawhawhaw!!!

on butts and knots

okay, after a lot of soul searching I finally resolved the problem that has bugged me for years...

In talking about girls' feminine features, we often speak of their 屁股，如果是说斯文点就是臀(tun2)部。

但是记得小时候，妈妈买过什么dian4子肉。（所以也说过某女子之dian4部,被人取笑一番）。但是不服气，明明记得买过那个肉，问了一大转，和多个朋友，而且还有跟女生们深入研究，终究还是达到一个结论，就是，我妈妈当年是不是不认字，把臀读成殿？网上还有人开玩笑说什么读字只读一半什么的。


把百度，谷歌搜完了，被无数女孩子笑话后，还是找不到有人用猪臀部做菜。更不觉的当年妈妈卖国猪屁股肉。明明买了“电字肉”。小时候记忆力很好，不会记错呀！！！


。
。
。
。
。


后来，发现好像那个东西叫腱子肉。(也是一道菜)

This is the piece of meat leading up to the butt and torso.... So... actually, I wasn't that far off, and in some instances, that piece of meat is considerably sexy:

Or...

so...., finally, guys, and girls, watch those 腱子肉of yours. ;-)

oh, and for the people out there who do cook meat, this piece of meat appears both in cows and in pigs.



sigh, this blog entry cannot do the humor and irony of my situation justice...


[[continuation]]
So, it turns out that after our online conversation, the girl went and talked to her mom about it....

Sigh,
I said to her,
you're supposed to show me the jiazirou, and NOT tell your mom; don't tell her and not show me... it kind of put me in a really bad light, don't you think?


sigh....

How smart is she?

One time, at date camp, the girl brags to the guy about her ex being rich and famous... The guy thinks a bit, and says, "My ex was really smart." and she says, how smart? and he says

"""
她一目十行、过目不忘，博览群书、韦编三绝、一览成诵、学贯中西、真才实学、伶牙俐齿、问一答十、妙语连珠、出口成章、声情并茂、绘声绘色、下笔成文、博学多才、见多识广、博古通今、语惊四座、才辩无双、出类拔萃、举世无双。
"""

and then she dumps him... (the she sitting across at dinner table at the date)

radio jokes

Remember: Amature built the arc, professionals built the titanic.
Love is grand, divorce is a couple of grand
Politicians and diapers should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.

More deceptions to come

Some additional thoughts on that...
This is deceptively nontrivial.
double negative will always get'ya

This is deceptively repulsive.
so it is any where from neutral to attractive

It's deceptively useless.
Tofu is deceptively stinky--it's stinky, but not really.

This is deceptively funny
so... it isn't funny?

This is deceptively vague.
is it a deception if it is not vauge?

He is deceptively cool.
well, so he's uncool then?

That's deceptively awful.
so... not awful, but still can be pretty bad.


So when x is deceptively y, y must at least be the case in appearance if not in other ways. and if it speaks of appearance, then contradiction is created.


Deceptively intuitive, unintuitive, and counter-intuitive.

I deceive thee

Brain twister, think quick, when you see this, what do you think it means? A, B, or C?

"The pool is deceptively shallow"

A.) The pool is shallow.
B.) The pool is deep.
C.) Can't decide on the initial pass.

Jeff Nunberg speaks of this example in his book Going Nucular. It's actually fairly interesting, at least to my brain.

So if you think A.) then you are saying that the perceived shallowness is deceptive, and that it's actually shallower than you see. If you chose B.) then you're thinking the perceived shallowness is false in the other way, that it is deeper than it seems. From my reading, Nunberg's commentary on this is, well, for lack of a better expression: deceptive. Nunberg's sample were spread between the choices 1/3 each. If you are of choice A or B, you may think that the other 2/3 are stupid .

Okay, okay, so maybe after repeating several times, you've chosen A, or B... Try this one:

"This person is deceptively intelligent"

Are you smart? or Dumb? (So if he's deceptively dumb, then he's obviously intelligent and appear dumb, but if he's deceptively intelligent... then, he's dumb?)

I want to say that shallow is somewhat neutral in normal language usage for this to be a problem... but if we say that out loud
"That thing's certain characteristic is deceptively neutral"
"That thing's certain characteristic is deceptively extreme"
It is immediately clear that what we mean is "not neutral", and "not extreme" (aka neutral) respectively.

The weather is deceptively mild. (Actually the case in bay area)

So this means, to pathologize the problem, we need to find a concept that has no clear counterpart. For instance, if we say something is deceptively something precise, it maximizes the alternative:

"That girl is deceptively 5'6""
yields almost no information. But this doesn't always work.

"That girl is deceptively 18"
seems to have connotations. The connotation is not clear (too old? not old enough?), but it clearly says more than the height statement.


For the psychologists:
"That tent is deceptively green."

For the philosophers:
"This statement is being made deceptively."

And of course, for all CS people,
"This blog is deceptively deceptive."

What you lack in faith you more than make up for...

by your stupidity
with your intelligence
with your poverty
by your wallet
in your pants
under your belt
in sex
in calories
in tans-fats
in recklessness
in fame
in incentive stock options
in tardiness
in retardation
in evilness
with your programming skills
with your logic
in male hormones
in female hormones
with pheromone
with disbelieve
with your oddities

Another prayer (Randy Pausch's favorite)

Favorite (Hmmm, ff is barfing on that word, wants me to spell it favourite. weird)
Watching ABC tribute to the recently dead Carnegie-Mellon professor Randy Pausch says his favorite prayer (though not openly religious) is the Serenity Prayer:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

......., I'm such an Eeyore.... (where as Pausch was tigger. hehe)

about divorse and unhappy separations

Robbin Willimas:

"Ah, YES, diverse, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

I recently observed this sentiment, though, not knowing he said that before:

Why don't you just stab my heart from my asshole straight away!! That would be much less painful!

the getting of downs

A modern metaphor for an all out conflict, a counter part to The Godfather's "Going to the mattress" oughta be: "Going off line."

As in "THAT'S IT!!! We're going off line this time!!"

leno jokes

Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay? because if they did it would be baygulls.

The chicken and egg are lying in bed, and the chicken says: well, that answers that question.

A guy goes into a doctor's office with a broccoli in one ear, and carrot in the other and a potato in the nose.... and the doc says.. you haven't been eating right.

copied from bai's page

"""
姓长名败字太衰中土人氏乃是先天迟钝自幼无才从小不会少年不学生性孤僻从熟不练无知不学不懂不问先飞再走跑后学爬后改名称西方失败道号短路愚昧落后词不逮理败德辱行单门独户举 目无亲重色轻友孤家寡人爱财如命丧天害理封建迷信求神拜佛礼拜祷告焚香烧纸假心假意言而无信偷抢摸扒败家之子亡国小卒粪池腐木百岁寒窗孤陋寡闻浅尝辄止才 疏学浅脑弱智残胸无点墨妨功害能进谗害贤倾家荡产身无分文一无所有孤傲不群鸡蹲鹤群土鸡瓦犬害群之马铜蝉之壳猪狗之后粪桶之友妓女之夫黄垃圾顶井 底之蛙班门弄斧自以为是高傲自大目中无人撒旦之主孔丘之师李耳之父耶稣家长懒当释家神求佛拜兵欺回徒沪申犹太人的国王北京最大贪官美军总指挥员阿贝先验牛 顿巨人居里先生共马克思适达尔文连马科夫孟德尔之豆研弗洛伊德的头勇闯图灵阵欲天下太平追汉女为国家欣荣迎独裁狗党狐群好吃懒做游手好闲谢馆秦楼助人为乐 妙嘴回春采补大家无所不为伤风败俗不伦不类不务正业耗尽真元乌合之众争名夺利钩心斗角明争暗自相残杀斗劳命伤财败将之后纸上谈兵不是惨败不足挂齿 投笔从军胆小如鼠贪生怕死乱于充数临阵逃脱抱头鼠窜屡战屡败片甲不留因小失大多错良机百年之计千载精华万年文化亿载功绩毁于一旦人类犯人民族败类汉奸局长 家庭难经个人失败史无前例后无来者然凡天地间衰败之事唯我独尊该我霸占是我垄断由我横行我的专利付我会费献我美女排我马屁圆我谎言夸我屁香给我红包留我小 费给我奖金分我股份北美病夫自卑为怀食言充饥灌水度日骂人求乐涂地为生自嘲为业败霸为职蓬头垢面长无六尺勃不过寸行不及米看不见鼻意不到秒思不如 驴记不如鱼声细于蚁眼凸鼻凹前大后弓弯腰驼背左长右短牙黑眼红头秃毛黄满腹菌虫两耳透风七窍不通屎尿不拉精忍不射汉流乳腺只吸不呼眼泪鼻流鼻涕眼出口若悬 河臭屁连天没完没了无边无际无休无止世世无聊代代无耻不尊不孝不方不圆不亲不爱不婚不育六根不净妖魔缠身精灵迷脑心不在焉神不守舍魂不附体身不由己五音不 全歌能伤耳英文不好画圈收费中文不好俗能生窍土地晕倒傻得噎人阴昏阳浊脸青鼻肿雄身雌性心烦气躁偶变投隙投机取巧偷鸡失米荒度一身已陈刍狗知错不改科玄幻教人死邪存祸患无穷老奸巨猾执迷不悟害人无数罄竹难书天地不容身破名亡不得好死死不解恨恨生痛苦苦海无边恨更无际恨之又恨恨至无语
"""

some quotes in the mist of drowsy recovery

quote from here."双手劈开生死路，一刀割断是非根“
(sorry if this is a repeat... hehe, still chuckling at it for some odd reason)

a moment from Patch Adams, something about looking forward to an long sleep, the blissful, lonely, unburdened, and hopefully undisturbed long sleep..."

sigh, leave it to a good actor to make that sound right... "the long sleep..."

more insults

"I'm the dumbest person on this side of the earth"

Which side is that?

"The outside"

ohh, so...., let see, u're not comparing with the dead people? Mmmm,
....
[several hours and hundreds of miles later]

ohhh... hehe, I just got that... the _out_ side! hahahhahahaaaa, took like 3 hours to get that one. heheheee

I'm holdin' out for something better

NSA asks a really smart Will why he shouldn't work for NSA....(imdb quote)

"""
Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had a no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.
"""

aphrodisiac

The PC version:

African-American-disiac

geeky

Vegetarian guy who don't know what he's doing around girl tells a joke:

"Once, I got served a plate of vegies and half a worm at a restaurant.
So, it wasn't so bad, because the semi-worm was stir fried on both end, so I knew the other half wasn't in my stomach"

[[girl is speechless]]


"Well, you know,..., there's the joke about which is better when eating an apple: half a worm or a whole worm."

the guy tried to explain... not thinking, obviously

"because, half a worm would mean he ate the other half..."

The girl recovers, and mubles: "Well, in that case, you should look at the apple and check to make sure it doesn't have holes... because that's a great predictor for if it has worm inside or not."

[[guy speechless at the sudden turn of events...]]

nlp things

NLP folks:

"I wonder why we never used the English section of SAT/GRE/LSAT/GMAT standardized tests for training and evaluating Question Answering systems?"

(Actually, recently saw powerset.com demo which had some kind of extraction/Q&A type results... Seems like the right bar is very similar to answers to reading comprehension questions from these tests: Read several paragraphs and state facts from the piece.)

An Altruistic Intellectual Working Models

Some years ago, late '04 I think, I wrote to some friends(almost all of whom have their advanced degree by now) about an intellectual work model that is without identity and monetary reward (but not without individualism nor identity). I admit that it's kind of childish, but it goes something like this: (and I apologize to my own blog if I've already posted this before)

"""

• Researchers are given secure and secret access to a research forum under uninformative pseudonyms.
• Each person may be allowed to have more than one identity, but they cannot change the name once it is established.
• They discuss/produce with each other under pseudonym.
• They will share ideas, data, analysis, and perform simultaneous and instantaneous peer review--but entirely anonymous.
• Posts are read-only. Corrections can be posted, but original public posts are kept immutable.
  
• In order to guarantee anonymity, one approach is to use trusted reviewers (voted by democratically based on past behavior). These trusted reviewers will receive all discussions and summarize into either notes, or short write ups.
• All significant participants to a piece of research(poster, scripts, paper, book, code, algorithm, ASCII art, etc., etc.) are listed as an author/owner(using pseudonym).
• Reputation is established purely based on collective recognition of past timely contribution and clarity of explanation. External reputation is also established by external recognition--see later point on that.
  
• The ultimate empirical approach by blinding participants to irrelevant aspects such as: race, sex, height, age, language, geographic location, time zones, financial status, government backing, religion, left/right handedness, balding or not, eye color, B.O. hidden agendas (so optimizes intellectual output without regard to the underlying motivation because past experience indicate some of best research come out of very racist and very evil scientist--thus the "mad scientist" cartoon caracture)
• This intellectual work organization can participate in the larger scientific community by submitting work (with pseudonym affiliated with this organization) to established venues.
• Larger work can be published as books but following conventional publication review, editorial and approval process. Money goes toward the organization for future research.
• Patents belong to the organization and the anonymous authors. It's licensing is managed by authors who will come to agreement via small amount of private discussion and public declaration of decision.
• Some small number of public servants must be delegated to implement outward facing aspects of the operation.
  

"""

silly TV moments

"If you're looking for your Bee's Wax, none of it is over here."

"It's not madness I feel from you, It's sadness...."

heheee, been watching too much soap lately...

七步诗

曹直写，魏朝

煮豆持作羹，
漉菽以为汁 .
萁在釜下燃，
豆在釜中泣：
本是同根生，
向煎和太急。

--------
漉菽－－音鹿叔

You are only as young as

"the women you feel."

什么什么观

人民网十大观：宗教观 民族观 民主观 人权观 主权观 伦理观 价值观 人生观 宇宙观 文化观

有用的有
人生观：What's life about?
价值观：What's Valuable?
世界观，宇宙观：What's the world/universe about?
审美观：What's beautiful?
伦理观，社会观，家庭观，种族观：What's Society about?

XX观: What's good/evil?


还有呢？
What else is there to life?

radio

"
A:Why does robinhood rob from the rich?
B:Because there's nothing to take from the poor

A:I hit your cat
B:uhh, I don't think so, what did it look like?
A:... kind of flat and runny
B: I meant before you hit it!!
A: ... uhh, scared (?)


Romans: We conquored the world.
Greek: We invented math
Romans: We invented sex
Greek: yeah, but it took the french to introduce it to women

"


oh hehe, say this horsy's name real fast
"hoof hearted"

Chinese doesn't even have a word for kiss

"""
（二）


看了一条娱乐新闻：演小乔的林志玲说要和演周瑜的梁朝伟拍吻戏

。突然好奇起来：周瑜那个年代的古人如何看待接吻？答案还未找到，倒先搜出个笑话来:


说某大学教授对学生言到："'吕'字的古意乃接吻也，口对口，很形象。"
一学生问曰："若'吕'乃接吻，则'品'字又做何解？玩儿三P乎？语未竟，又一个学生争曰："'品'字尚可忍耐，'器'字又当如何解呢？"
众学生不由哄堂，教授怒，以为竖子不可教也，摔书而去。


忍俊之余，偶也觉得此教授太望文生意了，若从"吕"字推衍出去，哪"回"字呢？小口吻大口？"合"字呢？一人吻一口？"哈"字呢？一人吻两口？"呢"字呢？吻个尼姑？


不过最后，偶倒是查出了古人接吻的种种说道儿，古人不言"吻"，说法之一是"度舌"，很传神。然最传神的还是《聊斋志异 -
狐梦》里的一句话："我谓婢子他日嫁多髭郎，刺破小吻，今果然矣！"
这是三姐讽刺新娘子的一句话，大意是说："我早说过鬼丫头将来嫁个大连吧胡子，把小嘴扎破了！" "小吻" 者
"小嘴"也，此也反证古人亲嘴不言"吻"。尚有其它种种趣事，写来赘笔，且待下回书再说。呵呵。
"""
from some news site.

a vegitarian's confession

"Some times, I feel that eating is the most enjoyable thing in life,"
said one vegitarian...
"And watching people eat, is the second most enjoyable thing in life."
(he was obviously watching somebody chomp down on a big piece of steak)
"It's like sex, fun to have, but also fun to watch (as in porno"
...people stare at him blankly... on the verge of laughter...
"But I do have sex, you know that right?"
he added quickly, as if in an afterthought...

三好生活

from a caller on KTSF in an interview “黄河” gave to Orlando Shih on 今夜有话要说：

”在美国的生活是好山、好水、好无聊。更有好酸，好乱，好苦呀！”

Chinese marriage ceremonies

links 1, 2, 3, 4 English ver.,百度 articles, more details, adds drinking/bow parts, and this...

• 一拜天地.

• 一鞠躬:感谢天地造化世间万物.
• 二 鞠躬:祝愿神州华夏国泰民安.
• 三鞠躬:祝愿中华大地风条雨顺五谷丰登.

• 二拜高堂

• 一鞠躬:感谢父母的养育之恩
• 二鞠躬:感谢父母对儿女的无私奉献
• 三鞠躬:祝愿父母福如东海,寿比南山

• 夫妻对拜(行夫妻大礼, no, that doesn't mean sex!!)

• 一鞠躬:祝二位新人相亲相爱,天长地久.
• 二鞠躬:祝小两口心心相印,永结同心.
• 三鞠躬:头碰头白头到老.

• 还拜客人

• 一鞠躬:谢来宾喜贺新婚喜上眉梢.
• 二鞠躬:谢喜得祝福喜得关怀.
• 三鞠躬:祝大家喜中有乐,喜酒喝好.

• 新郎新娘同饮"交杯酒"，

• 龙凤紫砂杯斟满天上雨水与地下矿泉酿造的美酒，聚天地精华，入新人血脉。
• 第一口恩恩爱爱不变味。
• 第二口：一世良缘不褪色。
• 第三口：天地作证永相随。

For those of you who are nitpickers, 网人说这个是汉族习惯。若是别族，还得喝血、摔跤，唱歌、跳舞什么的，麻烦死了，难死了！

correct bug to feature transition

recall Mark Twain's "lies, damned lies, and statistic(ian)?s" obligatory wiki link.

similarly, the bug to feature transition happens this way:

"Bugs, more bugs, and features!"
"Bugs, bigger bugs, and features!"
"Bugs, buggier bugs, and features!!"
"Bugs, buggy bug fixes, and features."
"Bugs, dumber bugs, and features!"
"Bugs, damned bugs, and features!"

others?

The invasion of bodysnatchers

"""
I was a happy person, ..., at least I thought I was a person to be happy.

until the Aliens invaded us in an clandestine massively distributed but gradual invasion.

Every night... the aliens come out of no where and take my body parts...

At the onset, we did not notice this. A little patch of hair here, and a bit of nail there. Some were happy that they didn't have to get hair cuts, while others wondered why their fingers hurt when they bit the nails...

Then, suddenly, one day, I woke up with out a right ear lobe. I was horrified!!
"Something is wrong!! something is wrong!!!" I yelled as I stared into the mirror for minutes and minutes.
"What's wrong???" slithered a silence.
"Something is wrong!!! something is wrong!!!" It's on the tip of my tone. "my..., my..., what's that big bald spot on my head? there's something oddly off balance about my suddenly balding head. Where's... where's.?"

uuuugh!!! I just couldn't find it! what is wrong with me!!!! "It's, it's... something is missing..."

Some calm drifted down through my spine...

"If you're missing an ear lobe, you could compare to a picture of yourself" the voice slithers again, arousingly hypnotic."

I stumble back into my bed room, where's my picture? ahh! there's one on my night stand... back to the bathroom, back to the bathroom.... let's see.. Hmm, looks right. The transparent finger pointing at the ear missing lobe looked just like the one on my head.

that night... I went through all my pictures back to the one taken at my birth... They're all like that. There's something wrong... it's... it's missing something. But if it's always been this way... and if it fell off last night, It would hurt right?

...... right.

...
Then, then,.... they took toes, and fingers, and then, eventually whole limbs... and organs... But somehow, I am never able to find anything wrong with things disappearing--they have always been missing, except for a sneaking suspicion inside that screams: "WAKE UP!!!! They're trying to take your ......" then the last part garbled, and clearly suppressed. Not quite muted, just scrambled and filtered, censored. ( I think they took something that was a pride or joy in my life. Something definitive of me... I can't say what it is, since I don't think I've ever had that... But their snickering seem to indicate it was something that I'd be sad to not have.) Then my torso shortened... Like those seen in discovery channel, where they froze a person's body and cut centimeter by centimeter to take picture of the cross section. It just kept on getting shorter... I was getting anxious... But what was I to do? I can't seem to remember what I would do in such a situation... It would appear that I do not have any facilities to respond to this situation. There aren't any instincts that would (still) appear to me to otherwise be logical... some kind of scape?

Finally, my head remains, suspended in a white space. (ohh, right, they seem to have taken furniture, and roads, and trees, and air, and earth, and all that too. But those seem so inconsequential and imaginary compared to my bald, naked, (now) ear-less, nose-less, lip-less, teeth-less head with two big round blinking eyes.

And they begin to carve into that as well. higher cognitive functions begin to fade... no no, they are taken slowly out, so that I don't miss them so much.Then something happens, as if they're tinkering with the wiring, faint remembrance of past memories, sensations, but only as if in a dream, flashes of lightening...

Then, as if returning from lunch, the aliens... are they aliens? well I call them aliens resumed their burglary: an eyeball here, a semi-sphere there... Finally, there was nothing left but the skull.

UGH! I can't think!!!!

Then, as vaguely as it begin, the lessening ended with the final vanishing of the outer of my consciousness.

But there's nothing wrong with this. I can't for the sake of goodness find any prove that I've ever existed, or that I've had a body or once thought...
"""

about cocks and what nots

Funny conversation, guy brags to girls:

"so, I used to have a cock for pet back on the farm..."

realizing something, he stopped. His good natured friend said to him..

"uhh, It's called a rooster, Otherwise, you may be coming up empty."


[girls laugh...]

more mod's

”“”
钱财如粪土，仁义值千金。＝》才华如粪土，人情值千金。
“”“

also, one observation is that by hypothetical syllogism we have 仁义 is also shit. ;-)

Funny Vallentine poems

From wikipedia:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roses_are_Red,_Violets_are_Blue
"""
They say roses are red
And violets are purple,
Sugar is sweet
And so is maple surple.
"""

They say roses are red
And violets are purple,
Sugar is so sweet
And you're so supple.



"""
They say roses are red
And violets are purple
Honey is sweet
but not as sweet as you.
"""


"""
Roses are FF0000
Violets are 0000FF
All of my bases
are belongs to you
"""
holy geek pride...

sex, marriage, and civility

"""
In any traditional civil society, frequent sexual encounter obligates the man and women to soon be engaged and locked in marriage.

In any modern civil society, it is impolite not to have sex with the girl.
"""

sex, marriage, and civility

"""
In any traditional civil society, frequent sexual encounter obligates the man and women to soon be engaged and locked in marriage.

In any modern civil society, it is impolite not to have sex with the other person.
"""

the secret to lack of enemy

Copied from a post on unknownspace.com

"人至贱则无敌"

master piece theatre

"""
...And he nibbled at her breasts in wonton play...
"""

How they have fun

“儒乐、释喜、道快、耶稣爱”

which movie does this come from?

".... the galaxy' xenophobia club...."

Shiksa

Shiksa means non-jewish women that attracts or have completed attraction of Jewish man.



老外, 香/芭蕉，鸡／鸭／皮蛋，鬼子，ABC。

what else have similar derogatory meaning in Chinese in the dating/marriage context?

hrm??

此间乐，不思蜀

刘禅 on baidu.

hula hula

(all right you Chipmunks! Ready to sing your song?
-I'll say we are!
-Yeah!
-Let's sing it now!
Okay, Simon?
-Okay!
Okay, Theodore?
-Okay!
Okay, Alvin? Alvin? ALVIN!
-OKAY!!!)

Christmas, Christmas time is near
Time for toys and time for cheer
We've been good, but we can't last
Hurry Christmas, hurry fast
Want a plane that loops the loop
Me, I want a hula hoop
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.

Okay fellas get ready
That was very good, Simon.
-Naturally.
Very good Theodore.
-Ahhh.
Ah, Alvin, you were a little flat, watch it.
Ah, Alvin. Alvin. ALVIN!
-OKAY.

Want a plane that loops the loop
I still want a hula hoop
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.

Very good, boys
-Lets sing it again! Yeah, lets sing it again!
No, That's enough, lets not overdo it
-What do you mean overdo it?
-We want to sing it again!
Now wait a minute, boys
-Why can't we sing it again?
-[chipmunk chatter]
Alvin, cut that out..Theodore, just a minute.
Simon will you cut that out? Boys...

追女孩子

“不见棺材不掉泪，不见小孩不断追”

some rap

From Youtube

The Lord's prayer

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord's_Prayer

Our Father, which art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name;

thy kingdom come;

thy will be done,

in earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive them that trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation;

but deliver us from evil.

[For thine is the kingdom,

the power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.]

婚

今天好朋友结婚，操几个祝词，网上助兴：

http://post.baidu.com/f?kz=241385908
http://dzh.mop.com/topic/main/readSubMain_7917183_0.html

恭喜新婚
恩恩爱爱
白头偕老
白首齐眉
鸳鸯比翼
青阳启瑞
桃李同心
莲花并蒂
开情心相印
梧枝连理栽
灵犀互通
百年好合
比翼双飞
神仙眷侣

情比海深
性比年长
早生贵子
相亲相爱幸福永远
同德同心幸福长久
新婚快乐
百年琴瑟
百年偕老
花好月圆
福禄鸳鸯
天缘巧合
美满良缘
郎才女貌
瓜瓞延绵
情投意合
夫唱妇随
珠联壁合
凤凰于飞
美满家园
琴瑟合鸣
相敬如宾
同德同心
如鼓琴瑟
花开并蒂
缔结良缘
缘订三生
成家之始
鸳鸯壁合
文定吉祥
姻缘相配
白首成约
终身之盟
盟结良缘
许订终身
天作之合
心心相印
永结同心
相亲相爱
永浴爱河
佳偶天成
宜室宜家

灯下一对幸福侣
洞房两朵爱情花
金屋笙歌偕彩凤
洞房花烛喜乘龙


十年修得同船渡，百年修得共枕眠。于茫茫人海中找到他/她，分明是千年前的一段缘；无数个偶然堆积而成的必然，怎能不是三生石上精心镌刻的结果呢？用真心呵护这份缘吧，真爱的你们。


愿天下有情人终成眷属，前生注定，喜结良缘。新婚大喜！百年好合！你如阳光般洒进了我的世界，我的生命因你而精彩！亲爱的你，请陪我走到海枯石烂，好吗？


由相知而相爱，由相爱而更加相知。人们常说的神仙眷侣就是你们了！祝相爱年年岁岁，相知岁岁年年！

相亲相爱好伴侣，同德同心美姻缘。花烛笑迎比翼鸟，洞房喜开并头梅。

白首齐眉鸳鸯比翼，青阳启瑞桃李同心
.
.
.

愿天下有情人终成眷属

溜溜调 歌词

跑马溜溜的山上
一朵溜溜的云哟
端端溜溜的照在
康定溜溜的城哟
月亮弯弯
康定溜溜的城哟
李家溜溜的大姐
人才溜溜的好哟
张家溜溜的大哥
看上溜溜的她哟
月亮弯弯
看上溜溜的她哟
跑马的溜溜山哟上
一朵溜溜的云哟
端端溜溜照哟在
康定溜溜的城哟
李家的溜溜大哟姐
人才溜溜的好哟
张家的溜溜大哟哥
看上溜溜的她哟
月亮的溜溜弯哟弯
康定的溜溜的城哟
一来溜溜的看上
人才溜溜的好哟
二来溜溜的看上
会当溜溜的家哟
月亮弯弯
会当溜溜的家哟
世间溜溜的女子
任你溜溜的求哟
世间溜溜的男子
任你溜溜的爱哟
月亮弯弯
任你溜溜的爱哟
一来的溜溜看哟他
人才的溜溜好哟
二来的溜溜看哟他
会当溜溜的家哟
人才的溜溜的哟棒
多少的溜溜的强哟
跑马的溜溜情哟歌
大胆的溜溜的唱哟
月亮的溜溜弯哟弯
照在溜溜的城哟

a freedom fighter's poetry

from an news article:

"""
任脚下响着沉重的铁镣，任你把皮鞭举得高高，我不需要什么自白， 哪怕胸口对着带血的刺刀！人，不能低下高贵的头， 只有怕死鬼才乞求“自由”；毒刑拷打算得了什么？ 死亡也无法叫我开口！ 对着死亡我放声大笑， 魔鬼的宫殿在笑声中动摇；这就是我——一个共产党员的自白， 高唱凯歌埋葬蒋家王朝。
"""

yeah, yeah, they're communists, but still "men in chains" are they not?

不孝有三

Recent topic on mitbbs, also from Baidu knows:

"""
不孝有三，无后为大

“不孝有三，无后为大”出自《孟子·离娄上》。原文是：“不孝有三，无后为大，舜不告而娶，为无后也，君子以为犹告也”。 《十三经注疏》中在“无后为大”下面有注云：“于礼有不孝者三，事谓阿意曲从，陷亲不义，一不孝也；家贫亲老，不为禄仕，二不孝也；不娶无子，绝先祖祀， 三不孝也。三者之中无后为大。” 白话问解释就是：一味顺从，见父母有过错而不劝说，使他们陷入不义之中，这是第一种不孝；家境贫穷，父母年老，自己却不去当官吃俸禄来供养父母，这是第二 种不孝；不娶妻生子，断绝后代，这是第三种不孝 。
"""

It is interesting to note that although 无后为大 is known as the most important trespass against one's parents, the foremost to be mentioned is the error of "阿意曲从，陷亲不义", and secondly "家贫亲老，不为禄仕". Both very practically important. Statistically, #1 and #2 are probably more frequent and causes #3.

花草之事

from here
沾花惹草
zhān huā rě cǎo
〖解释〗犹言沾风惹草。
〖出处〗《花城》1981年第5期：“对了，说她是那种逗引男人去沾花惹草的妖冶，肯定百分之百的正确！”

拈花惹草
niān huā rě cǎo
〖解释〗拈：捏；惹：招惹；草、花：比喻好。比喻到处留情，多指男女间的挑逗引诱。
〖出处〗元·杨立斋《哨遍》：“三国志无过说些战伐，也不希咤，终少些团香弄玉，惹草拈花。”
〖示例〗彩云生性本～。（清·曾朴《孽海花》第三十一回）

粘花惹草
zhān huā rě cǎo
〖解释〗惹：招惹；草、花：比喻好。比喻到处留情，多指男女间的挑逗引诱。
〖出处〗元·商衜《一枝花·远寄》：“粘花惹草心，招揽风流事。”

招花惹草
zhāo huā rě cǎo
〖解释〗指挑逗、勾引女子。
〖出处〗明·兰陵笑笑生《金瓶梅词话》第二回：“那一双积年招花惹草，惯细风情的贼眼，不离这妇人身上。”



撵花惹草
捻花惹草


Other interpretations:

• One thing of note is that 花 is girl, and 草 is boy (as in 校花，校草）, then, this also means a very prosmiscuous bi-sexual person, who plays with both boys and girls, grasses and flowers.
• One more interpretation is that the act of disturbing the flower is to annoy the grass.
  

何以为师？

"师者，传道授业解惑也"

吵架

败曰
“古人说天下大事分久必合合久必分天下者人也人生大事也然分合平常"

酒菜

"""
壶中日月长
酒里乾坤大
"""

I hate racists

Famous saying: "I hate racists"
Continuation: "If your race all believe in racism, then you have made me what I hate the most!"

Staple's easy button cheer

pop pop
quiz quiz
do you know what time it is?
school is back, believe it!
success, you can achieve it.
this year will be a clean slate,
so don't you even procrastinate.
get organized and call the vet,
'cause you will be the teacher's pet!

常用亲属称谓

orig link here.
Also, Baidu knows.

■与本人关系
●称呼对方
☆自称

■父母
●父亲、爸爸母亲、妈妈
☆儿女儿

■父亲的祖父父亲的祖母
●曾祖父曾祖母
☆曾孙曾孙女

■父亲的父亲父亲的母亲
●祖父、爷爷祖母、奶奶
☆孙孙女

■父亲的伯父父亲的伯母
●伯祖父、伯公、伯祖伯祖母、姆婆
☆侄孙侄孙女

■父亲的叔父父亲的叔母
●叔祖父、叔公、叔祖叔祖母、叔婆、婶婆
☆侄孙侄孙女

■父亲的哥哥父亲的嫂嫂
●伯父、伯伯伯母、伯姆
☆侄、侄儿侄女

■父亲的弟弟父亲的弟媳
●叔父、叔叔叔母、婶母、婶婶
☆侄、侄儿侄女

■父亲的姐夫、妹夫父亲的姐妹
●姑夫、姑丈姑母、姑妈
☆内侄、侄内侄女、侄女

■母亲的祖父母亲的祖母
●外曾祖父外曾祖母
☆外曾孙外曾孙女

■母亲的父亲母亲的母亲
●外祖父外祖母

☆外孙外孙女

■母亲的伯父母亲的伯母
●外伯祖父、外伯祖外伯祖母、外姆婆
☆外侄孙外侄孙女

■母亲的叔父母亲的叔母
●外叔祖父、外叔祖外叔祖母、外叔婆
☆外侄孙外侄孙女

■母亲的兄弟母亲的嫂嫂、弟媳
●舅父、舅舅舅母、舅妈、妗
☆外甥、甥外甥女、甥女

■母亲的姐夫、妹夫母亲的姐妹
●姨父、姨丈、姨夫姨母、姨妈、姨姨
☆姨甥、甥姨甥女、甥女

■丈夫
●夫或写名字
☆妻或称名字

■妻子
●妻或写名字
☆夫或称名字

■丈夫的祖父丈夫的祖母
●祖翁、爷爷祖姑、奶奶
☆孙媳妇孙媳

■丈夫的外祖父丈夫的外祖母
●外祖父外祖母
☆外孙媳妇外孙媳

■丈夫的父亲丈夫的母亲
●公公、爸爸婆婆、妈妈
☆媳妇儿媳、媳

■丈夫的伯母
●伯父、伯伯伯母
☆侄媳妇侄媳

■丈夫的叔父丈夫的叔母
●叔父、叔叔叔母、婶母、婶婶
☆侄媳妇侄媳

■丈夫的舅父丈夫的舅母
●舅父、舅舅舅母、妗
☆外甥媳、甥媳

■丈夫的姑父丈夫的姑母
●姑父、姑丈姑母、姑妈
☆内侄媳妇、内侄媳侄媳妇、侄媳

■丈夫的姨父丈夫的姨母
●姨父、姨丈、姨夫姨母、姨妈
☆姨甥媳妇姨甥媳

■丈夫的哥哥丈夫的嫂嫂
●哥哥嫂嫂
☆弟媳

■丈夫的弟弟丈夫的弟媳
●弟弟弟媳
☆嫂或称名字

■丈夫的姐姐丈夫的姐夫
●姐姐姐夫
☆内弟媳弟媳

■丈夫的妹妹丈夫的妹夫
●妹妹妹夫
☆内嫂嫂或称名字

■妻子的祖父妻子的祖母
●岳祖父岳祖母
☆孙女婿孙婿

■妻子的父亲妻子的母亲
●岳父、丈人、爸爸岳母、丈母、妈妈
☆女婿婿

■妻子的叔父妻子的叔母
●岳叔父岳叔母
☆侄女婿侄婿

■妻子的伯父妻子的伯母
●岳伯父岳伯母
☆侄女婿侄婿

■妻子的舅父妻子的舅母
●舅父、舅舅舅母、妗
☆外甥女婿甥女婿

■妻子的姑父妻子的姑母
●姑父、姑丈姑母、姑妈、姑姑
☆内侄女婿、内侄婿侄女婿、侄婿

■妻子的姨父妻子的姨母
●姨父、姨丈、姨夫姨母、姨妈、姨姨
☆姨甥女婿甥婿

■妻子的兄妻子的嫂
●内兄、兄内嫂、嫂
☆妹夫

■妻子的弟妻子的弟媳
●内弟、弟内弟媳、弟媳
☆姐夫或称名字

■妻子的姐妹妻子的姐夫、妹夫
●内姐、姐、内妹、妹襟兄、襟弟
☆妹夫、姐夫襟弟、襟兄

■哥哥嫂嫂
●哥哥、兄嫂嫂、嫂
☆弟、妹

■弟弟弟媳
●弟弟、弟弟媳
☆兄、姐

■姐姐姐夫
●姐姐、姐姐夫
☆弟、妹内弟、内妹

■妹妹妹夫
●妹妹、妹妹夫
☆兄、姐内兄、内姐

■兄、弟的儿子兄、弟的女儿
●侄、侄儿、侄女内侄、侄、内侄女、侄女
☆伯父、伯伯叔父、叔叔姑母、姑妈

■姐、妹的儿子姐、妹的女儿
●外甥、甥、外甥女、甥女姨甥、甥、姨甥女、甥女
☆舅父、舅舅姨母、姨妈、姨

■儿子的岳父儿子的岳母
●亲家、亲翁亲姆
☆姻弟姻弟媳

■女儿的家翁女儿的婆婆
●亲家亲姆
☆姻弟姻弟媳

■伯父、叔父的儿子伯父、叔父的女儿
●堂兄、堂弟堂姐、堂妹
☆堂弟、堂兄堂妹、堂姐

■姑、舅、姨的儿子姑、舅、姨的媳妇
●表哥、表兄、表弟表嫂、表弟媳
☆表弟、表兄表妹、表姐

■姑、舅、姨的女儿姑、舅、姨的女婿
●表姐、表妹表姐夫、表妹夫
☆表妹、表姐表弟、表兄

常用亲属称谓表之父系亲属

称呼对象	称呼	自称	他人之敬称	向他人谦称
父亲的祖父	曾祖父	曾孙(曾孙男)、曾孙女	令曾祖（曾翁）	家曾祖父
父亲的祖母	曾祖母	曾孙(曾孙男)、曾孙女	令曾祖母	家曾祖母
父亲的伯祖父	曾伯祖父	曾侄孙(曾侄孙男)、曾侄孙女	令曾伯祖父	家曾伯祖父
父亲的伯祖母	曾伯祖母	曾侄孙(曾侄孙男)、曾侄孙女	令曾伯祖母	家曾伯祖母
父亲的叔祖父	曾叔祖父	曾侄孙(曾侄孙男)、曾侄孙女	令曾叔祖父	家曾叔祖父
父亲的叔祖母	曾叔祖母	曾侄孙(曾侄孙男)、曾侄孙女	令曾叔祖线母	家曾叔祖母
父亲的父亲	祖父（爷爷）	孙(孙男)、孙女	令祖（令祖父）	家祖父（家祖、家公）
父亲的母亲	祖母（奶奶）	孙(孙男)、孙女	令祖母（尊祖母）	家祖母
父亲的伯父	伯祖父	侄孙(侄孙男)、侄孙女	令伯祖父	家伯祖父
父亲的伯母	伯祖母	侄孙(侄孙男)、侄孙女	令伯祖母	家伯祖母
父亲的叔父	叔祖父	侄孙(侄孙男)、侄孙女	令叔祖父	家叔祖父
父亲的叔母（婶母）	叔祖母	侄孙(侄孙男)、侄孙女	令叔祖母	家叔祖母
父亲的姑父	姑祖父（姑爷爷）	内侄孙(内侄孙男)、内侄孙女	令姑祖父	家姑祖父
父亲的姑母	姑祖母（姑奶奶）	内侄孙(内侄孙男)、内侄孙女	令姑祖母	家姑祖母
父亲的舅父	舅祖父（舅爷爷）	外孙(外孙男)、外孙女	令舅祖父	家舅祖父
父亲的舅母	舅祖母（舅奶奶）	外孙(外孙男)、外孙女	令舅祖母	家舅祖母
父亲的姨父	姨祖父（姨爷爷）	姨外孙(姨外孙男)、姨外孙女	令姨祖父	家姨祖父
父亲的姨母	姨祖母（姨奶奶）	姨外孙(姨外孙男)、姨外孙女	令姨祖母	家姨祖母
父亲	父亲（爸爸、爹爹）	子（儿、男）、女（儿、女儿）	令尊（尊翁、尊君、尊公）	家父（家严、家公、家君、家尊）
父亲的妻子	母亲（妈妈）	子（儿、男）、女（儿、女儿）	令堂（令慈、令母、令萱）	家母（家慈、家堂、家萱）
父亲的继妻	继母（妈妈）	继子、继女	令继母（令堂）	家继母（家慈）
父亲的哥哥	伯父（伯伯）	侄（侄子）、侄女	令伯（尊伯）	家伯父
父亲的嫂子	伯母	侄（侄子）、侄女	令伯母	家伯母
父亲的弟弟	叔父（叔叔、仲父）	侄（侄子）、侄女	令叔（贤叔）	家叔父（家贤叔）
父亲的弟媳	叔母（婶母、季母）	侄（侄子）、侄女	令叔母	家叔母（家婶母）
父亲的姐妹	姑母（姑妈）	内侄（内侄子）、内侄女	令姑母	家姑母
父亲的姐夫（妹夫）	姑父	内侄（内侄子）、内侄女	令姑父	家姑父
父亲的堂兄	堂伯父	堂侄（堂侄子）、堂侄女	令堂伯	家堂伯父
父亲的堂嫂	堂伯母	堂侄（堂侄子）、堂侄女	令堂伯母	家堂伯母
父亲的堂弟	堂叔父	堂侄（堂侄子）、堂侄女	令堂叔	家堂叔父
父亲的堂弟妇	堂叔母（堂婶母）	堂侄（堂侄子）、堂侄女	令堂叔母（令堂婶母）	家堂叔母（家堂婶母）
父亲的表伯父	表伯祖父	表侄孙（表侄孙子）、表侄孙女	令表伯祖	家表伯祖父
父亲的表伯母	表伯祖母	表侄孙（表侄孙子）、表侄孙女	令表伯祖母	家表伯祖母
父亲的表叔父	表叔祖父	表侄孙（表侄孙子）、表侄孙女	令表叔祖	家表叔祖父
父亲的表叔母（婶母）	表叔祖母	表侄孙（表侄孙子）、表侄孙女	令表叔祖母	家表叔祖母
父亲的表兄	表伯父	表侄（表侄子）、表侄女	令表伯	家表伯父
父亲的表嫂	表伯母	表侄（表侄子）、表侄女	令表伯母	家表伯母
父亲的表弟	表叔父	表侄（表侄子）、表侄女	令表叔	家表叔父
父亲的表弟妇	表叔母（表婶母）	表侄（表侄子）、表侄女	令表叔母	家表叔母
父亲的堂姐妹	堂姑母（堂姑妈）	内堂侄（内堂侄子）、内堂侄女	令堂姑母	家堂姑母
父亲的堂姐妹夫	堂姑父	内堂侄（内堂侄子）、内堂侄女	令堂姑父	家堂姑父
父亲的侄儿	堂兄、堂弟	堂兄、堂弟、堂姐、堂妹	令堂兄、令堂弟	家堂兄、舍堂弟
父亲的侄媳	堂嫂、堂弟妇	堂兄、堂弟、堂姐、堂妹	令堂嫂、令堂弟妇	家堂嫂、舍堂弟妇
父亲的侄女	堂姐、堂妹	堂兄、堂弟、堂姐、堂妹	令堂姐、令堂妹	家堂姐、舍堂妹
父亲的侄女婿	堂姐夫、堂妹夫	堂兄、堂弟、堂姐、堂妹	令堂姐夫、令堂妹夫	家堂姐夫、舍堂妹夫

常用亲属称谓表之母系亲属

称呼对象	称呼	自称	他人之敬称	向他人谦称
母亲的祖父	外曾祖父	外曾孙(外曾孙男)、外曾孙女	令外曾祖	家外曾祖父
母亲的祖母	外曾祖母	外曾孙(外曾孙男)、外曾孙女	令外曾祖母	家外曾祖母
母亲的父亲	外祖父（外公、姥爷）	外孙(外孙男)、外孙女	令外祖父	家外祖父
母亲的母亲	外祖母（外婆、姥姥）	外孙(外孙男)、外孙女	令外祖母	家外祖母
母亲的伯父	外伯祖父	外侄孙(外侄孙男)、外侄孙女	令外伯祖父	家外伯祖父
母亲的伯母	外伯祖母	外侄孙(外侄孙男)、外侄孙女	令外伯祖母	家外伯祖母
母亲的叔父	外叔祖父	外侄孙(外侄孙男)、外侄孙女	令外叔祖父	家外叔祖父
母亲的叔母（婶母）	外叔祖母	外侄孙(外侄孙男)、外侄孙女	令外叔祖母	家外叔祖母
母亲的姑父	外姑祖父	外侄孙(外侄孙男)、外侄孙女	令外姑祖父	家外姑祖父
母亲的姑母	外姑祖母	外侄孙(外侄孙男)、外侄孙女	令外姑祖母	家外姑祖母
母亲的舅父	外舅祖父	外孙(外孙男)、外孙女	令外舅祖父	家外舅祖父
母亲的舅母	外舅祖母	外孙(外孙男)、外孙女	令外舅祖母	家外舅祖母
母亲的姨父	外姨祖父	外姨孙(外姨孙男)、外姨孙女	令外姨祖父	家外姨祖父
母亲的姨母	外姨祖母	外姨孙(外姨孙男)、外姨孙女	令外姨祖母	家外姨祖母
母亲	母亲（妈妈）	子（儿、男）、女（儿、女儿）	令堂（令慈、令母、令萱）	家母（家慈、家堂、家萱）
母亲的丈夫	父亲（爸爸、爹爹）	子（儿、男）、女（儿、女儿）	令尊（尊翁、尊君、尊公）	家父（家严、家公、家君、家尊）
母亲的后夫	继父（爸爸）	继子、继女	令继父（令尊）	家继父（家严）
母亲的兄弟	舅父（母舅、舅舅）	外甥（外甥男）、外甥女	令舅父	家舅父
母亲的嫂子、弟妇	舅母（舅妈）	外甥（外甥男）、外甥女	令舅母	家舅母
母亲的姐妹	姨母（姨妈）	姨外甥、姨外甥女（襟侄、襟侄女）	令姨母	家姨母
母亲的姐夫（妹夫）	姨父（姨爹）	姨外甥、姨外甥女（襟侄、襟侄女）	令姨父	家姨父
母亲的堂兄弟	堂舅父	堂外甥、堂外甥女	令堂舅父	家堂舅父
母亲的堂嫂、堂弟妇	堂舅母	堂外甥、堂外甥女	令堂舅母	家堂舅母
母亲的表伯父	外表伯祖父	外表侄孙（外表侄孙子）、外表侄孙女	令外表伯祖	家外表伯祖父
母亲的表伯母	外表伯祖母	外表侄孙（外表侄孙子）、外表侄孙女	令外表伯祖母	家外表伯祖母
母亲的表叔父	外表叔祖父	外表侄孙（外表侄孙子）、外表侄孙女	令外表叔祖父	家外表叔祖父
母亲的表叔母（婶母）	外表叔祖母	外表侄孙（外表侄孙子）、外表侄孙女	令外表叔祖母	家外表叔祖母
母亲的表兄弟	表舅父	表外甥、表外甥女	令表舅父	家表舅父
母亲的表嫂、表弟妇	表舅母	表外甥、表外甥女	令表舅母	家表舅母
母亲的表姐妹	表姨母	表姨外甥、表姨外甥女	令表姨母	家表姨母
母亲的表姐夫、表妹夫	表姨父	表姨外甥、表姨外甥女	令表姨父	家表姨父

famous last words

man to women friend: "I want more benefits."

oldie but goodie insult

women to man friend: "For all the farting you do, you'd think you get good at it after some time."

If my gf is not the prettiest one who is?

"看她就象清晨看一个才熟地水果，还在藤子上，被天地间的营养滋润着。温和的太阳，还没有怒放阳光，她也没有怒放她的妹力。水淋淋的，是昨晚的露水，是溢出来的甘汁，不，不，是撒娇的泪水。她的气息，没有通过我的鼻子就溢漫我的全身调戏着每一颈神经。使我心矿神移。“

an excerpt from the lonely guy's diary

"""

Coming home after a long day of work. Most of nervous energy built up from a day of chucking down coffee has drained completely from the semi-hour commute.

Looking through his inbox, he did not find the email that he has been eagerly anticipating from the most beautiful girl he's ever met... The girl, that has occupied his cranial cavities for these eternal days.

Not that he was expecting anything, after writing to her while very drunk some days ago.

Maybe it's in spam box... some very important emails has come through to him in the spam box before.

Alas, but it was not to be. Gmail apparently has gotten this spam thing down good.

gently, he felt every piece of his body, in a rare moment of cohesion sighed together.

"sighhhhhhhhh"

Without the strength to open a bottle of beer. He is home, sober.

Without the courage to patronize a high quality drug dealer, he is home, lucid.

Without the social skills to befriend a hooker, he is home, alone.

He collapses onto his sofa. His most dear sofa, so soft, so reliable, always reassuringly there, always, when ever he needed it;

so soft, he can feel every single fabric, with every fiber of his being;

so close, he can smell every single drop of sweat, blood, tear, and..., well, and other things originating from his body, but only his body--so shockingly refreshing, he amaze even himself some times;

so firm, he feels like silk table cloth fallen onto a naked table, so fittingly placed, his body draped, also naked, looking like a crooked big from ceiling;

so sexy, he can feel sofa's arousal, groaning, moaning, sinuously heaving under him, "oh! ohh!!, oooohh!!!", harder! sit harder!!! she moans, lower!!! sit yet lower!!! stroke my legs with your foul feet, put your hand between my cushions, harder!! deeper!! longer!!! 'aaawwwwwh!!!! Fill me!!! fill me!!!!! fill all my crevices!!!!"

so dominating, this large creature, enchanted by passion, possessed by evil, looms about him, over powering him! Sitting on him, he, kneeling, facing away, his arms, also bound, behind him, his head, held by the comfort of the cushion! bent backward, like the figurehead statue at head of an ancient boat on it's maiden voyage--but without the admirably extruding bosoms, taught, wrung, dripping, the last drips of black, potent vital coffee.

A scream, so foreign, sounding as if from an unknown source, horrifying, in ecstasy:

"hocus pocus!! abracadabra aparecium alakazam, colloportus confundo, erecto expecto expelliarmus, incantatem, preto, presto, presto!"

And the spell is lifted....

He lies face down, legs still buried under her to the knees, emaciated, inanimate,

It would appear, when he uttered the stop-words, it would not only turn off that which loves him dearest, but it would also disable his soul.

......


This all just goes to show the quality of top google search result in his quest for love, for he is left without the wit to feel like the unluckiest guy on this whole cursed internet.

....

"what about me?" a timid voice arose, and scared the bejesus out of the narrator...

It would appear, that this is his lucky day, because the sofa's smaller sister, the love seat is still steaming, hot with all the magic of the night...

"""


narrator: "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! it's a twin sofa!!!"

WTF, T?

haha, orbits gum commercial,

[man to women]

What the French? toast?

as opposed to, presumably,

What the fuck, bitch!

this isn't a fucking toilet, fucking google! goina sue your fucking ass off!!

Google decided to put up a toilet beside this blog. here's a copy of it.

GOOOGLE!!!

From the depths of hell,

with all fury of hatred mastered by man,

I stab at thee!!!!!

DIE! DIE!! DIE!!!

刑法，司法，执法

These are the tricameral pieces of the American government.

刑法--judicial
司法--legislative
执法--executive

(civic test review, hawhawhaw)

excerpt from hopelessly lonely guy's diary

"""

So I was having this conversation with the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen, and she asks: "hey, hopelessly lonely guy, why do you sound so acerbic."

I said, "Well, seeing as how I've been pouring my heart out to you all this time... I think it's beginning to drain from stomach acid... But it's okay, it'll be a while before that runs out and I resort to stuff just "above the belt"

[she laughs :) I know she's laughing at me..., but it's okay, at least we're doing it together]

"""

obligatory retort:


"so that stuff before you got sour was from your heart?",

said with obvious dim view of prior conversation,

Hmmmm, this would be quite an unexptected turn of events:

"I can't wait until I get to the rest of you."


:)

some poem.

cute little poem about love of life.

生命诚可贵
爱情价更高
若为自由故
两者皆可抛

author is a person named "匈牙利诗人裴多菲" according to baidu knows. The rhyme scheme seems matching even in Chinese.. :)

famous startup startups

Often told stories:

'I started it during a long weekend.'
'I wrote it in my dorm room geeking out with friends."
'I started it in my friend's kit."


How come none of these guys ever said...

'I was on the rocks with my gf, and it came with a scotch on the rocks.'

or

'well, we were in the sack, and right when I was about to climax, this idea came to me... Of course, the consequent intercourse was coitus interruptus, so to speak, but she forgave me..., eventually'


or, more likely

'well, I was wankering off one day, and ..., well, and it just came" (to me...)

another famous quote

男大当昏，女大当驾。

What is an inning?

Recently discovered that "inning" is a present tense of the opposite action of "out" which in popular parlance used to say that somebody decided to go public with his or her homosexuality.

Mandatory thought:

"is this why they call it that in a baseball game?"

silliness

famous saying: "Some people are born gay, but others have gayness thrust upon them."


famous saying:"uhhh, I think that's: some are people born great, some achieve greatness, while others have greatness thrust upon them"... Otherwise, it would be quite disgusting.

A pick up line that actually works.

guy: hey, you've got flat chest, I've got small. Let's get together and make some small.
girl: (reluctantly), ok...
guy: WHAT?? really??

ｓｏｍｅ ｃｏｏｌ ｓａｙｉｎｇｓ

This is pretty bad... "一心不专,两手无用,三生不幸,四海无家,五音不全,六根不净,七窍不通,八顽不灵,九死无生,十分无用!" from here.

here are some other sayings from baidu knows:

暗送秋波
金兰之交
老牛舔犊
魂牵梦萦
古道热肠
耿耿忠心耳鬓厮磨


haha :)

haha sex jokes

gf (to bf): have you been having sex behind my back??
bf:.... uhh, you didn't know that was me??

bf: (oops, climax too early)
gf: don't worry, that happens to a lot of guys
bf: waita minute, who's this " a lot of guys ", and if it's happening to so many of us, that it is your fault?

A letter to myself in a parallel universe

"""
Dear myself, how do you do?

I am writing, because I cannot stand my current circumstances any longer. A company's future, depends only on it's competitive practices and not it's legal and ethical standards and practices. From what I've seen of conducts of many companies, their executives down to lower management have little respect for very basic employee rights. Such actions are spawn by a cultural tradition of irreverence to some most fundamental things that humanity has come to respect in its long torturous journey. Sadly, there is nothing that can be done about it. Those that suffer, will continue to suffer--forever; those that cause the suffering, will do so happily earning their large wages, worldly respect, and enjoying pissing and shitting on other people's heads and shoulders. Millenniums of human civilization, apex of this culmination, has come to such proudly pitiful fear driven social disorder.

Such is the world that I live in. How about your world?
I hope you had a nice day.

Always yours truly parallel.

Minor Loser
"""

The More Loving One

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

--W. H. Auden

Knocked up

"""


Knocked up, though initially appearing to be a very cruel movie about white-trash, good-for-nothing, poor, weed smoking insult to American Jews. Eventually, it turned out to be a sweet heart warming comedy about coming together, and revival of a certain American spirit.

The movie starts with some frat-like partying of some unemployeed friends living in LA. they identify themselves as Jews by joking about hair, and various cultural events. The happy, but ultimately depressing circumstance is that they have been losers for several generations. Ben Stone, is an unemployed single guy who "only smokes weed in the morning". It is eventually revealed that Ben's father, has a life filled with divorses and drug consumption. Supposedly, this is a fairly strong insult on the Stone family, if it existed for real.

Alison is a hot blonde who got a job with E! entertainment (on camera), and parties until she has unprotected sex with Ben and becomes pregnant--"Knocked Up".

Ben is not a responsible person and has no job nor any skills. After finding out that he's knocked up Alison, he becomes a sweet and increasingly responsible person and takes on a job, asks Alison to marry him, and persists, after she refuses(while pregnant), until she does. Finally, he becomes the "man" of the family successfully dealing with very stressful time with controlling family member (Alison's sister), Surprise disappearance of Alison's doctor (at a Bar Mitzvahs, of all things), and over bearing professional Asian doctor who threaten to quit when Alison made unusual request about the birth procedure...

So, all's well that ends well... But it sure got a little messed up there for a while when for entire scenes at a time, the movie is entirely dedicated to the display of various disgusting American traits on some poor Jewish people.

Being a fellow over weight person (Ben's a little chubby), I think it's a good story that he got a hot blonde chick so easily... Even if he had to become a family man eventually.


"""

I am nobody! Who are you?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us--don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!


--Emily Dickinson

half way into the date

guy: "Did anybody tell you that you are too good to be true?"
girl:"No, but they did tell me that I'm too truthfully to be good."
[girl:"Oh, and? btw! You suck!"]

万事皆上品，唯有计算低

读书的人，不管是读什么，学业不成，没有工作，就搞计算机。我见到地就有本来是学化学，化工，物理，机械, 土木, 艺术，生物，数学，体育，还有个搞音乐。难道，真的就这么容易吗？难道高计算机真的是最后的选择吗？

Just because you are full of shit

Coworker:"""

Just be cause you are full of shit, don't assume the rest of us are.


"""

Defensive guy with performance anxiety

"hey! hey!! watch it!! I'm not gay, just a little retarded that's all."

Jealous Chinese dude

Jealous Chinese dude says:

"All Chinese girls want to fuck is white men and Chinese guys who went to Tsinghua."

... after a minute..., and couple more shots...
"All that a Chinese girl wants to fuck is white man, black man, rich man, and Chinese guys who went to Tsinghua University."

... Another minute passes...

"All that a Chinese girl wants to fuck are white men, black men, rich men, smart men, men with reasonably large dick, and Chinese "men" who went to Tsinghua University."

... Then after another copule of minutes... his brain said...

"Oh... you mean they're girls?"

argument with dad

son: [insults dad]
dad: yeah, well at least I had your mom!

Some sayings

"Our meetings took place in a curious atomsphere of assumed consensus"
--Arthur Schlesinger Jr.


"Worldly wisdom teaches that it is better for reputation to fail conventionally then to succeed unconventionally."
The General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money,
--John Maynard Keynes.

"While markets appear to work in practice, we are not sure how they work in theory"
-- Maureen O'Hara

poem from volkswagen commercial

Conflict boils over like an angry sludge
Politicians lie to us like they've got a grudge
We're in a decaying spiral of fevered verocity
.
.
.
Hope, springs !!

An extra degree of freedom

In addition to "Free as in beer", and "Free as in speech", another use of Free is "Is this girl free to date", and "Is this waffle free for the taking". In the sense that it is unclaimed, unallocated(disk blocks for example), and uncommitted(girls w/o bf's).



So, next time when somebody says: "Is this free?" you have yet another liberty to consider. ;-)

Fun work place conversation

Men and women:

Men and women..., said a coworker one day, are like propeller air planes and internal combustion engine cars... One, though primitive, can be jump started just by playing with the propellers... where as the other one, however advanced, and computer controlled, when the battery dies, there's nothing u can do about it...

bfb(from gmail list)

Rotten Bay Losers is one of Bay Area's premier Chinese gathering organization. After a few long years of very tough American scholastic work, these enterprising Chinese young men and young women gather in their off-hours to drink, eat, and to enjoy all the merriments of life.

The Rotten Bay Loser women are the most attractive among all of Chinese women. This is not so impressive, except that that is a population almost a half of a quarter of the entire human race. They are black blonde's: their long curly hair... drenched in pheromone, constantly luring the male losers. Their twinkly eyes, possess the same qualities as the geisha's..., with one longing glimpse, she can bring a man to his knees. Their heads, always held high, nobly. Their elegant arms, slender, flexible as any Indian yogi's, clean as jade, soft as tofu, yet strong as an ox so as to be able to carry babies. Their torsos, never overweight, never quite covered correctly, inspire a sense of controversy, always moving with the grace of Arabian belly dancers. And the legs, their beautiful, sexy Amazonian legs comes with guarantee to shrink any man's pants. The songs of the Loser's women are in yet another league of their own.

So, next time, when you visit the bay, make sure to join the rotten losers, where you can meet these gorgeously rotten babes.

wedding vow

[standing in the ocean naked] (from Thank God You are Here)

Men:
When I'm wet,
You are wet,
When I'm dry,
you are dry,
When I sing,
you listen.

the general applicability of probability

"There are very few things that is neither probable or improbable"

To heir is human

(it sounds a little like "to error is human", hehe)

What does that girl do for me?

Her smile, on our initial encounter, is gently scorched into my mind.

When the dogs bite, (the fecal matter still all over my palette)
Then the bees sting, (the backstabbing knife still bleeding red)
When you're feeling sad, (and the pickpocket's hands still in my wallet)
I simply think of my favorite things..... (that burning smile, in my head)
And I don't feel soooooo baddddddd.

big titles

While partying wildly with a very sexy friend recently, I some how thought of Shirley Temple. (Leave it to San Francisco to make this kind of thing happen)

So apparently, Shirley was an ambassador to ..., and received a powerful title of: Omnipotentiary or Plentipotentiary. (I can't seem to find a reference to either, but both are titles). Anyways, it's an interesting thing... to be some-thing-largely-potent-iary.

女大当驾，男大当昏

soap

This, from All My Children:

Dad: I loved you so much, and all I wanted is respect and obedience...
Son: No! Dad! you never loved me, you only loved that I came from you and will grow to be you!
[[dad, at this point, has deadly drug hooked up in the guy's wife's neck, and the guy has a remote switch that detonates if he releases, and the dad has shot the guy's shoulder with a guy, and is waving the gun around threatening more shots..]]