haha sex jokes

gf (to bf): have you been having sex behind my back??
bf:.... uhh, you didn't know that was me??

bf: (oops, climax too early)
gf: don't worry, that happens to a lot of guys
bf: waita minute, who's this " a lot of guys ", and if it's happening to so many of us, that it is your fault?

A letter to myself in a parallel universe

"""
Dear myself, how do you do?

I am writing, because I cannot stand my current circumstances any longer. A company's future, depends only on it's competitive practices and not it's legal and ethical standards and practices. From what I've seen of conducts of many companies, their executives down to lower management have little respect for very basic employee rights. Such actions are spawn by a cultural tradition of irreverence to some most fundamental things that humanity has come to respect in its long torturous journey. Sadly, there is nothing that can be done about it. Those that suffer, will continue to suffer--forever; those that cause the suffering, will do so happily earning their large wages, worldly respect, and enjoying pissing and shitting on other people's heads and shoulders. Millenniums of human civilization, apex of this culmination, has come to such proudly pitiful fear driven social disorder.

Such is the world that I live in. How about your world?
I hope you had a nice day.

Always yours truly parallel.

Minor Loser
"""

The More Loving One

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

--W. H. Auden

Knocked up

"""


Knocked up, though initially appearing to be a very cruel movie about white-trash, good-for-nothing, poor, weed smoking insult to American Jews. Eventually, it turned out to be a sweet heart warming comedy about coming together, and revival of a certain American spirit.

The movie starts with some frat-like partying of some unemployeed friends living in LA. they identify themselves as Jews by joking about hair, and various cultural events. The happy, but ultimately depressing circumstance is that they have been losers for several generations. Ben Stone, is an unemployed single guy who "only smokes weed in the morning". It is eventually revealed that Ben's father, has a life filled with divorses and drug consumption. Supposedly, this is a fairly strong insult on the Stone family, if it existed for real.

Alison is a hot blonde who got a job with E! entertainment (on camera), and parties until she has unprotected sex with Ben and becomes pregnant--"Knocked Up".

Ben is not a responsible person and has no job nor any skills. After finding out that he's knocked up Alison, he becomes a sweet and increasingly responsible person and takes on a job, asks Alison to marry him, and persists, after she refuses(while pregnant), until she does. Finally, he becomes the "man" of the family successfully dealing with very stressful time with controlling family member (Alison's sister), Surprise disappearance of Alison's doctor (at a Bar Mitzvahs, of all things), and over bearing professional Asian doctor who threaten to quit when Alison made unusual request about the birth procedure...

So, all's well that ends well... But it sure got a little messed up there for a while when for entire scenes at a time, the movie is entirely dedicated to the display of various disgusting American traits on some poor Jewish people.

Being a fellow over weight person (Ben's a little chubby), I think it's a good story that he got a hot blonde chick so easily... Even if he had to become a family man eventually.


"""

I am nobody! Who are you?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us--don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!


--Emily Dickinson

half way into the date

guy: "Did anybody tell you that you are too good to be true?"
girl:"No, but they did tell me that I'm too truthfully to be good."
[girl:"Oh, and? btw! You suck!"]

万事皆上品，唯有计算低

读书的人，不管是读什么，学业不成，没有工作，就搞计算机。我见到地就有本来是学化学，化工，物理，机械, 土木, 艺术，生物，数学，体育，还有个搞音乐。难道，真的就这么容易吗？难道高计算机真的是最后的选择吗？