feminine fluid（又一篇来自肉麻恋爱博客）｛少儿大大地不不宜｝

有一天，男孩子和女孩子调情：
"""
女：［温心地 ］快过节了，我送你什么呢？

男：不用了吧。我不需要什么

女：［明显不放弃、顽皮地］，我想给你点东西，我能给你什么呢？

男：［大喜道］我想想，女孩子能给男孩子。。。恐怕最珍贵地是她身上的水吧？

女：真的？［不知道他部下何等陷阱］

男：如果你给我，我想你的泪水，如果你为我哭，你一定爱我。

女：喔［叹！还好，不是太肉麻］

男：其实先想到的是你的汗水，不过叫你给我干活，但是，这个好像不如泪水。

女：［高兴些］喔。［口音跟前面那个喔大有不同，心口暗笑］

男：我还想要你的口水！！［眼睛一亮，以为在她松弛的时候占了便宜］

女：喂！！［突然不妙，大叫］

男：喂！！！［更响］我是说！我是说！！我还要你说我的好话。你想什么?［险、汉！］

女：对谁说？

男：当然对我说了！！

女：喔［前两个喔之间的喔、迷茫］

男：当然，还有别的水......

女：还有？还有什么水？［不知所错］

男：还有胯间之水！

女：［糟糕！］喂！！！！！ 你！说！！什么？？？

男：喂！你又想什么了？我是说羊水。

女：［羞晕，但是他明显不怀好意，害羞，又觉得自己想知道他原意是说什么水，又觉得自己明知道他原意是什么怎么还在想？羞！又觉得羞什么他怎么不害羞？我晕什么？］

女：你！你！！我就是有羊水也不是给你用地。哼！！［对着他哼地，哼得太用劲，头晕!! 掉头要走，太晕，半回头］

男：不给算了！［她这几日妹力大有精进，被哼的连退三步，勉强吐出这句话］
男：是你问我要什么。［氧气没提上来，后面半句太小声了，连自己都没听见］

女：［暗喜，好险，如果真地说那个，我还不知道怎么对付呢！］

男：［暗喜，好险，如果她要给我那个水，我还不知道怎么对付呢！］

"""




narrator：你们到底要交换什么水呀！！！？？？这边都读糊涂了




"""
女：哼！少装
"""



narrator: 哇靠，晕了还哼得这么响！！！ 佩服！！！！



"""
男：喂！别打我女人的主意！！
"""



narrator: 好、好、好、惹不得主人公。若要知他们交换何等液体肉麻多久，且听下回分解!

儿科数数 {{少儿本人不宜}}

一天晚上两人同床三更半夜四腿交叉五指乱摸六神无主七上八下九九不放十分过瘾

红颜祸水

　　《红颜祸水》
　　——邓继明
　　红颜非祸水，贱妾亦可惜。
　　千忧惹是非，皆因尘俗起。


from 百度百科，还有：
...
自古薄命多红颜，香消玉殒有谁怜？
世人称之为祸水，哪知须眉应羞惭。
...

填空心理测验

不管白猫黑猫会捉老鼠就是好猫。
不管美女丑女会_____就是好女人。
不管帅哥傻哥会_____就是伟哥。

女儿美是祸水。
男儿__是祸_。

American football (watercooler conversation during deflationary period)

Chinese co-worker to Korean co-worker:

"Do you know why Americans play American football?"

"no, why?"

"Because it's easy to make. If you ever look at a deflated football, it's 4 pieces of rhombus shaped leather sewed together."

"ahhh..."

"Well!, that's not exactly how it's made,"

says one upset normal co-worker listening to the conversation...

"See, your parents are so cheap, they bought you the cheapest football in the store. The higher end ones are actually not rhombus shaped, they have a curvature that makes the football more... football like."


"burn!"

screamed other normal co-workers...

feminist

女权主义者


(from google translate)

IM-Sex {{adult material!!! 少儿不宜。}}

H:你的白白的小手。。。。
H:轻轻的
H:碰到
H:胆小地
H:渴望地
H:伸过去
H:她的身体颤抖着，期望着
她。。。。

她。。。

有 点冷

也可能是冷得颤抖

你碰到她了

她吓得一跳

她那寒冷地颤抖着的胸脯

你碰了一下但是收回手

她大叫：“不！！！“

”不！！不要离开！！“

她把你的手拉回胸口

用你的手抚摸着

按揉着越来越敏感的。。。

奶头子，

越来越感，期待着爱的奶子

她似乎高潮了

浑身抽筋似地颤抖,把你紧紧地抱着，她的激情包围了你的身体。




[你以为故事完了吧？]



你正准备起床逃脱这个你不想告诉以后男朋友的一刻。

但是她扑象你

用赤裸裸的浑身把你拖回床上

你。。。

你想拒绝

但是又有一股极大的力量

是好奇的力量

欲望的力量

（她的，你的，你们的欲望）

一个你不懂的力量，把你绑再床上

。。。。。。

哦，对了，是她用围巾把你的是手脚绑在床头柜和床档上

然后

然后

她迫不及待的把头埋在你的腿之间。

你

你不懂

她要干什么？？？？？？

二唇，起初，互相调戏着、挤压着、抿含着、玩弄着。后来互相狂吻，热乎乎，沾粘粘。

她在干什么？？？（你的脑袋里大叫着，她在干什么？）

但是，

这个问题很快被另外一个

没有声音的声音覆盖了。

你的浑身

突然慢慢地那热而不觉的熔岩漫到边缘。

浑身都充满了她的滚烫的爱

软了

痒了

出汉了

不！ 不对，不是汉！！

反正，反正，浑身都湿了

更软了

更痒了

更湿了

更！更！！更！！！。。。。。。。

但是！！但是！！！不能，但是！！！

妳

她

妳

她

妳们

!




没有声音了

没有你，没有她，没有妳们了。。。。


只有一床的湿润。。。。。


纯洁的暧昧





温柔地抚摸着



恋恋不舍


难分难解


不想完，要永远永远这样


爱





“爽！！！！！”


她突然大叫


打破了妳那处女初次的陶醉。


“我走了!”
“明天还要上班呢!!”


“什么？？”
你觉得好突然呀。。。。

她怎么。。。

她。。。。难到跟我感觉不一样吗？

但是她已经走了

把妳落潮湿的遗失中。妳在颤抖，但是，这一次，是妳冷了。她不在了

妳冷了。。。。好想她呀。

when to get married

摘自肉麻恋爱博客

"""
问：什么时候知道两个人可以好下去？可以有美好的婚姻？

答：如果两个人谈时把自己过去的故事讲完了，然后再讲一便，还互相感兴趣，还想听，那么他们可能会好下去了。

答2：互相制造新故事觉得都很过瘾、也可能会好下去。

"""

here's the full quote

A Prairie Home Companion Movie Soundtrack Lyrics

Woody Harrelson & John C. Reilly – Bad Jokes

The blind man's seein' eye dog
Pissed on the blind man's shoe
The blinds man said, "Here, Rover
Here's a piece of beef for you"
His wife said, "Don't reward him
You can't just let that pass"
The blind man said
"I gotta find his mouth
So I can kick him in the ass"

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

You got one, Dusty?
I got one, Lefty.
Let's hear it.

When God created woman
He gave her not two breasts but three
When the middle one got in the way
God performed surgery
Woman stood before God
With the middle breast in hand
Said, "What do we do
With the useless boob?"
And God created man

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

Gramps turned eighty the other day
And everybody was there
And he was dressed up in a brand new suit
Sitting in his big armchair
When a beautiful young naked woman
Stood up in front of the group
She offered Gramps some super sex
And he said, "I'll take the soup"

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

You ready for another one?
Yeah, lay it on me.

Ole went to the neighborhood dance
And he won the big door prize
It was a toilet brush
And he took it home
And the next week one of the guys
Said, "Ole, how's that toilet brush?
The one you won from the neighbors?"
Ole said, "Oh, it works pretty good
But I prefer toilet paper"

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

The farmer had a champion bull
Who bred 200 times a year
The farmer's wife said, "200 times?
Isn't that wonderful, dear?
Maybe you ought to watch him
Maybe he'll show you how"
The farmer said, "He's a heck of a bull
But it wasn't all with the same cow"

Come on, now, bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

You've got another one, Dusty?
Actually I do
Did you hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen?
No, who they think did it?
Well, they don't know, but they're on the lookout for hardened criminals.

You got another one?
I got another one, Lefty.

Sven said to his friend,
"Boy, I think my wife died."
His friend said,
"Well, what do you mean, you think?"
"Well, the sex is still the same,
but the dishes are stackin' up."

Hey, Dusty.
Yeah, Lefty?
Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, it runs in your jeans.

Hey, uh, heh, Lefty?
Yeah? Go ahead.
Why do they call it PMS?
PMS? Why, I don't know. Why?
'Cause Mad Cow was already taken.

Hey, Dusty.
Yeah, Lefty?
What do you get when you cross holy water with castor oil?
I don't know, Lefty. What do you get?
A religious movement.

Hey, uh... hey, Lefty, what did the elephant say to the naked man?
What'd he say?
It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?

Come on, now.
Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me
Bad jokes
Man, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad...whoo...jokes for me

diarrhea

diarrhea is hereditary

'cos it runs in your jeans!

hawhawhaw!!!

on butts and knots

okay, after a lot of soul searching I finally resolved the problem that has bugged me for years...

In talking about girls' feminine features, we often speak of their 屁股，如果是说斯文点就是臀(tun2)部。

但是记得小时候，妈妈买过什么dian4子肉。（所以也说过某女子之dian4部,被人取笑一番）。但是不服气，明明记得买过那个肉，问了一大转，和多个朋友，而且还有跟女生们深入研究，终究还是达到一个结论，就是，我妈妈当年是不是不认字，把臀读成殿？网上还有人开玩笑说什么读字只读一半什么的。


把百度，谷歌搜完了，被无数女孩子笑话后，还是找不到有人用猪臀部做菜。更不觉的当年妈妈卖国猪屁股肉。明明买了“电字肉”。小时候记忆力很好，不会记错呀！！！


。
。
。
。
。


后来，发现好像那个东西叫腱子肉。(也是一道菜)

This is the piece of meat leading up to the butt and torso.... So... actually, I wasn't that far off, and in some instances, that piece of meat is considerably sexy:

Or...

so...., finally, guys, and girls, watch those 腱子肉of yours. ;-)

oh, and for the people out there who do cook meat, this piece of meat appears both in cows and in pigs.



sigh, this blog entry cannot do the humor and irony of my situation justice...


[[continuation]]
So, it turns out that after our online conversation, the girl went and talked to her mom about it....

Sigh,
I said to her,
you're supposed to show me the jiazirou, and NOT tell your mom; don't tell her and not show me... it kind of put me in a really bad light, don't you think?


sigh....

How smart is she?

One time, at date camp, the girl brags to the guy about her ex being rich and famous... The guy thinks a bit, and says, "My ex was really smart." and she says, how smart? and he says

"""
她一目十行、过目不忘，博览群书、韦编三绝、一览成诵、学贯中西、真才实学、伶牙俐齿、问一答十、妙语连珠、出口成章、声情并茂、绘声绘色、下笔成文、博学多才、见多识广、博古通今、语惊四座、才辩无双、出类拔萃、举世无双。
"""

and then she dumps him... (the she sitting across at dinner table at the date)

radio jokes

Remember: Amature built the arc, professionals built the titanic.
Love is grand, divorce is a couple of grand
Politicians and diapers should be changed frequently, and for the same reason.

More deceptions to come

Some additional thoughts on that...
This is deceptively nontrivial.
double negative will always get'ya

This is deceptively repulsive.
so it is any where from neutral to attractive

It's deceptively useless.
Tofu is deceptively stinky--it's stinky, but not really.

This is deceptively funny
so... it isn't funny?

This is deceptively vague.
is it a deception if it is not vauge?

He is deceptively cool.
well, so he's uncool then?

That's deceptively awful.
so... not awful, but still can be pretty bad.


So when x is deceptively y, y must at least be the case in appearance if not in other ways. and if it speaks of appearance, then contradiction is created.


Deceptively intuitive, unintuitive, and counter-intuitive.

I deceive thee

Brain twister, think quick, when you see this, what do you think it means? A, B, or C?

"The pool is deceptively shallow"

A.) The pool is shallow.
B.) The pool is deep.
C.) Can't decide on the initial pass.

Jeff Nunberg speaks of this example in his book Going Nucular. It's actually fairly interesting, at least to my brain.

So if you think A.) then you are saying that the perceived shallowness is deceptive, and that it's actually shallower than you see. If you chose B.) then you're thinking the perceived shallowness is false in the other way, that it is deeper than it seems. From my reading, Nunberg's commentary on this is, well, for lack of a better expression: deceptive. Nunberg's sample were spread between the choices 1/3 each. If you are of choice A or B, you may think that the other 2/3 are stupid .

Okay, okay, so maybe after repeating several times, you've chosen A, or B... Try this one:

"This person is deceptively intelligent"

Are you smart? or Dumb? (So if he's deceptively dumb, then he's obviously intelligent and appear dumb, but if he's deceptively intelligent... then, he's dumb?)

I want to say that shallow is somewhat neutral in normal language usage for this to be a problem... but if we say that out loud
"That thing's certain characteristic is deceptively neutral"
"That thing's certain characteristic is deceptively extreme"
It is immediately clear that what we mean is "not neutral", and "not extreme" (aka neutral) respectively.

The weather is deceptively mild. (Actually the case in bay area)

So this means, to pathologize the problem, we need to find a concept that has no clear counterpart. For instance, if we say something is deceptively something precise, it maximizes the alternative:

"That girl is deceptively 5'6""
yields almost no information. But this doesn't always work.

"That girl is deceptively 18"
seems to have connotations. The connotation is not clear (too old? not old enough?), but it clearly says more than the height statement.


For the psychologists:
"That tent is deceptively green."

For the philosophers:
"This statement is being made deceptively."

And of course, for all CS people,
"This blog is deceptively deceptive."

What you lack in faith you more than make up for...

by your stupidity
with your intelligence
with your poverty
by your wallet
in your pants
under your belt
in sex
in calories
in tans-fats
in recklessness
in fame
in incentive stock options
in tardiness
in retardation
in evilness
with your programming skills
with your logic
in male hormones
in female hormones
with pheromone
with disbelieve
with your oddities

Another prayer (Randy Pausch's favorite)

Favorite (Hmmm, ff is barfing on that word, wants me to spell it favourite. weird)
Watching ABC tribute to the recently dead Carnegie-Mellon professor Randy Pausch says his favorite prayer (though not openly religious) is the Serenity Prayer:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

......., I'm such an Eeyore.... (where as Pausch was tigger. hehe)

about divorse and unhappy separations

Robbin Willimas:

"Ah, YES, diverse, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

I recently observed this sentiment, though, not knowing he said that before:

Why don't you just stab my heart from my asshole straight away!! That would be much less painful!

the getting of downs

A modern metaphor for an all out conflict, a counter part to The Godfather's "Going to the mattress" oughta be: "Going off line."

As in "THAT'S IT!!! We're going off line this time!!"

leno jokes

Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay? because if they did it would be baygulls.

The chicken and egg are lying in bed, and the chicken says: well, that answers that question.

A guy goes into a doctor's office with a broccoli in one ear, and carrot in the other and a potato in the nose.... and the doc says.. you haven't been eating right.

copied from bai's page

"""
姓长名败字太衰中土人氏乃是先天迟钝自幼无才从小不会少年不学生性孤僻从熟不练无知不学不懂不问先飞再走跑后学爬后改名称西方失败道号短路愚昧落后词不逮理败德辱行单门独户举 目无亲重色轻友孤家寡人爱财如命丧天害理封建迷信求神拜佛礼拜祷告焚香烧纸假心假意言而无信偷抢摸扒败家之子亡国小卒粪池腐木百岁寒窗孤陋寡闻浅尝辄止才 疏学浅脑弱智残胸无点墨妨功害能进谗害贤倾家荡产身无分文一无所有孤傲不群鸡蹲鹤群土鸡瓦犬害群之马铜蝉之壳猪狗之后粪桶之友妓女之夫黄垃圾顶井 底之蛙班门弄斧自以为是高傲自大目中无人撒旦之主孔丘之师李耳之父耶稣家长懒当释家神求佛拜兵欺回徒沪申犹太人的国王北京最大贪官美军总指挥员阿贝先验牛 顿巨人居里先生共马克思适达尔文连马科夫孟德尔之豆研弗洛伊德的头勇闯图灵阵欲天下太平追汉女为国家欣荣迎独裁狗党狐群好吃懒做游手好闲谢馆秦楼助人为乐 妙嘴回春采补大家无所不为伤风败俗不伦不类不务正业耗尽真元乌合之众争名夺利钩心斗角明争暗自相残杀斗劳命伤财败将之后纸上谈兵不是惨败不足挂齿 投笔从军胆小如鼠贪生怕死乱于充数临阵逃脱抱头鼠窜屡战屡败片甲不留因小失大多错良机百年之计千载精华万年文化亿载功绩毁于一旦人类犯人民族败类汉奸局长 家庭难经个人失败史无前例后无来者然凡天地间衰败之事唯我独尊该我霸占是我垄断由我横行我的专利付我会费献我美女排我马屁圆我谎言夸我屁香给我红包留我小 费给我奖金分我股份北美病夫自卑为怀食言充饥灌水度日骂人求乐涂地为生自嘲为业败霸为职蓬头垢面长无六尺勃不过寸行不及米看不见鼻意不到秒思不如 驴记不如鱼声细于蚁眼凸鼻凹前大后弓弯腰驼背左长右短牙黑眼红头秃毛黄满腹菌虫两耳透风七窍不通屎尿不拉精忍不射汉流乳腺只吸不呼眼泪鼻流鼻涕眼出口若悬 河臭屁连天没完没了无边无际无休无止世世无聊代代无耻不尊不孝不方不圆不亲不爱不婚不育六根不净妖魔缠身精灵迷脑心不在焉神不守舍魂不附体身不由己五音不 全歌能伤耳英文不好画圈收费中文不好俗能生窍土地晕倒傻得噎人阴昏阳浊脸青鼻肿雄身雌性心烦气躁偶变投隙投机取巧偷鸡失米荒度一身已陈刍狗知错不改科玄幻教人死邪存祸患无穷老奸巨猾执迷不悟害人无数罄竹难书天地不容身破名亡不得好死死不解恨恨生痛苦苦海无边恨更无际恨之又恨恨至无语
"""

some quotes in the mist of drowsy recovery

quote from here."双手劈开生死路，一刀割断是非根“
(sorry if this is a repeat... hehe, still chuckling at it for some odd reason)

a moment from Patch Adams, something about looking forward to an long sleep, the blissful, lonely, unburdened, and hopefully undisturbed long sleep..."

sigh, leave it to a good actor to make that sound right... "the long sleep..."

more insults

"I'm the dumbest person on this side of the earth"

Which side is that?

"The outside"

ohh, so...., let see, u're not comparing with the dead people? Mmmm,
....
[several hours and hundreds of miles later]

ohhh... hehe, I just got that... the _out_ side! hahahhahahaaaa, took like 3 hours to get that one. heheheee

I'm holdin' out for something better

NSA asks a really smart Will why he shouldn't work for NSA....(imdb quote)

"""
Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had a no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.
"""

aphrodisiac

The PC version:

African-American-disiac

geeky

Vegetarian guy who don't know what he's doing around girl tells a joke:

"Once, I got served a plate of vegies and half a worm at a restaurant.
So, it wasn't so bad, because the semi-worm was stir fried on both end, so I knew the other half wasn't in my stomach"

[[girl is speechless]]


"Well, you know,..., there's the joke about which is better when eating an apple: half a worm or a whole worm."

the guy tried to explain... not thinking, obviously

"because, half a worm would mean he ate the other half..."

The girl recovers, and mubles: "Well, in that case, you should look at the apple and check to make sure it doesn't have holes... because that's a great predictor for if it has worm inside or not."

[[guy speechless at the sudden turn of events...]]

nlp things

NLP folks:

"I wonder why we never used the English section of SAT/GRE/LSAT/GMAT standardized tests for training and evaluating Question Answering systems?"

(Actually, recently saw powerset.com demo which had some kind of extraction/Q&A type results... Seems like the right bar is very similar to answers to reading comprehension questions from these tests: Read several paragraphs and state facts from the piece.)

An Altruistic Intellectual Working Models

Some years ago, late '04 I think, I wrote to some friends(almost all of whom have their advanced degree by now) about an intellectual work model that is without identity and monetary reward (but not without individualism nor identity). I admit that it's kind of childish, but it goes something like this: (and I apologize to my own blog if I've already posted this before)

"""

• Researchers are given secure and secret access to a research forum under uninformative pseudonyms.
• Each person may be allowed to have more than one identity, but they cannot change the name once it is established.
• They discuss/produce with each other under pseudonym.
• They will share ideas, data, analysis, and perform simultaneous and instantaneous peer review--but entirely anonymous.
• Posts are read-only. Corrections can be posted, but original public posts are kept immutable.
  
• In order to guarantee anonymity, one approach is to use trusted reviewers (voted by democratically based on past behavior). These trusted reviewers will receive all discussions and summarize into either notes, or short write ups.
• All significant participants to a piece of research(poster, scripts, paper, book, code, algorithm, ASCII art, etc., etc.) are listed as an author/owner(using pseudonym).
• Reputation is established purely based on collective recognition of past timely contribution and clarity of explanation. External reputation is also established by external recognition--see later point on that.
  
• The ultimate empirical approach by blinding participants to irrelevant aspects such as: race, sex, height, age, language, geographic location, time zones, financial status, government backing, religion, left/right handedness, balding or not, eye color, B.O. hidden agendas (so optimizes intellectual output without regard to the underlying motivation because past experience indicate some of best research come out of very racist and very evil scientist--thus the "mad scientist" cartoon caracture)
• This intellectual work organization can participate in the larger scientific community by submitting work (with pseudonym affiliated with this organization) to established venues.
• Larger work can be published as books but following conventional publication review, editorial and approval process. Money goes toward the organization for future research.
• Patents belong to the organization and the anonymous authors. It's licensing is managed by authors who will come to agreement via small amount of private discussion and public declaration of decision.
• Some small number of public servants must be delegated to implement outward facing aspects of the operation.
  

"""

silly TV moments

"If you're looking for your Bee's Wax, none of it is over here."

"It's not madness I feel from you, It's sadness...."

heheee, been watching too much soap lately...

七步诗

曹直写，魏朝

煮豆持作羹，
漉菽以为汁 .
萁在釜下燃，
豆在釜中泣：
本是同根生，
向煎和太急。

--------
漉菽－－音鹿叔

You are only as young as

"the women you feel."

什么什么观

人民网十大观：宗教观 民族观 民主观 人权观 主权观 伦理观 价值观 人生观 宇宙观 文化观

有用的有
人生观：What's life about?
价值观：What's Valuable?
世界观，宇宙观：What's the world/universe about?
审美观：What's beautiful?
伦理观，社会观，家庭观，种族观：What's Society about?

XX观: What's good/evil?


还有呢？
What else is there to life?

radio

"
A:Why does robinhood rob from the rich?
B:Because there's nothing to take from the poor

A:I hit your cat
B:uhh, I don't think so, what did it look like?
A:... kind of flat and runny
B: I meant before you hit it!!
A: ... uhh, scared (?)


Romans: We conquored the world.
Greek: We invented math
Romans: We invented sex
Greek: yeah, but it took the french to introduce it to women

"


oh hehe, say this horsy's name real fast
"hoof hearted"

Chinese doesn't even have a word for kiss

"""
（二）


看了一条娱乐新闻：演小乔的林志玲说要和演周瑜的梁朝伟拍吻戏

。突然好奇起来：周瑜那个年代的古人如何看待接吻？答案还未找到，倒先搜出个笑话来:


说某大学教授对学生言到："'吕'字的古意乃接吻也，口对口，很形象。"
一学生问曰："若'吕'乃接吻，则'品'字又做何解？玩儿三P乎？语未竟，又一个学生争曰："'品'字尚可忍耐，'器'字又当如何解呢？"
众学生不由哄堂，教授怒，以为竖子不可教也，摔书而去。


忍俊之余，偶也觉得此教授太望文生意了，若从"吕"字推衍出去，哪"回"字呢？小口吻大口？"合"字呢？一人吻一口？"哈"字呢？一人吻两口？"呢"字呢？吻个尼姑？


不过最后，偶倒是查出了古人接吻的种种说道儿，古人不言"吻"，说法之一是"度舌"，很传神。然最传神的还是《聊斋志异 -
狐梦》里的一句话："我谓婢子他日嫁多髭郎，刺破小吻，今果然矣！"
这是三姐讽刺新娘子的一句话，大意是说："我早说过鬼丫头将来嫁个大连吧胡子，把小嘴扎破了！" "小吻" 者
"小嘴"也，此也反证古人亲嘴不言"吻"。尚有其它种种趣事，写来赘笔，且待下回书再说。呵呵。
"""
from some news site.

a vegitarian's confession

"Some times, I feel that eating is the most enjoyable thing in life,"
said one vegitarian...
"And watching people eat, is the second most enjoyable thing in life."
(he was obviously watching somebody chomp down on a big piece of steak)
"It's like sex, fun to have, but also fun to watch (as in porno"
...people stare at him blankly... on the verge of laughter...
"But I do have sex, you know that right?"
he added quickly, as if in an afterthought...

三好生活

from a caller on KTSF in an interview “黄河” gave to Orlando Shih on 今夜有话要说：

”在美国的生活是好山、好水、好无聊。更有好酸，好乱，好苦呀！”

Chinese marriage ceremonies

links 1, 2, 3, 4 English ver.,百度 articles, more details, adds drinking/bow parts, and this...

• 一拜天地.

• 一鞠躬:感谢天地造化世间万物.
• 二 鞠躬:祝愿神州华夏国泰民安.
• 三鞠躬:祝愿中华大地风条雨顺五谷丰登.

• 二拜高堂

• 一鞠躬:感谢父母的养育之恩
• 二鞠躬:感谢父母对儿女的无私奉献
• 三鞠躬:祝愿父母福如东海,寿比南山

• 夫妻对拜(行夫妻大礼, no, that doesn't mean sex!!)

• 一鞠躬:祝二位新人相亲相爱,天长地久.
• 二鞠躬:祝小两口心心相印,永结同心.
• 三鞠躬:头碰头白头到老.

• 还拜客人

• 一鞠躬:谢来宾喜贺新婚喜上眉梢.
• 二鞠躬:谢喜得祝福喜得关怀.
• 三鞠躬:祝大家喜中有乐,喜酒喝好.

• 新郎新娘同饮"交杯酒"，

• 龙凤紫砂杯斟满天上雨水与地下矿泉酿造的美酒，聚天地精华，入新人血脉。
• 第一口恩恩爱爱不变味。
• 第二口：一世良缘不褪色。
• 第三口：天地作证永相随。

For those of you who are nitpickers, 网人说这个是汉族习惯。若是别族，还得喝血、摔跤，唱歌、跳舞什么的，麻烦死了，难死了！

correct bug to feature transition

recall Mark Twain's "lies, damned lies, and statistic(ian)?s" obligatory wiki link.

similarly, the bug to feature transition happens this way:

"Bugs, more bugs, and features!"
"Bugs, bigger bugs, and features!"
"Bugs, buggier bugs, and features!!"
"Bugs, buggy bug fixes, and features."
"Bugs, dumber bugs, and features!"
"Bugs, damned bugs, and features!"

others?

The invasion of bodysnatchers

"""
I was a happy person, ..., at least I thought I was a person to be happy.

until the Aliens invaded us in an clandestine massively distributed but gradual invasion.

Every night... the aliens come out of no where and take my body parts...

At the onset, we did not notice this. A little patch of hair here, and a bit of nail there. Some were happy that they didn't have to get hair cuts, while others wondered why their fingers hurt when they bit the nails...

Then, suddenly, one day, I woke up with out a right ear lobe. I was horrified!!
"Something is wrong!! something is wrong!!!" I yelled as I stared into the mirror for minutes and minutes.
"What's wrong???" slithered a silence.
"Something is wrong!!! something is wrong!!!" It's on the tip of my tone. "my..., my..., what's that big bald spot on my head? there's something oddly off balance about my suddenly balding head. Where's... where's.?"

uuuugh!!! I just couldn't find it! what is wrong with me!!!! "It's, it's... something is missing..."

Some calm drifted down through my spine...

"If you're missing an ear lobe, you could compare to a picture of yourself" the voice slithers again, arousingly hypnotic."

I stumble back into my bed room, where's my picture? ahh! there's one on my night stand... back to the bathroom, back to the bathroom.... let's see.. Hmm, looks right. The transparent finger pointing at the ear missing lobe looked just like the one on my head.

that night... I went through all my pictures back to the one taken at my birth... They're all like that. There's something wrong... it's... it's missing something. But if it's always been this way... and if it fell off last night, It would hurt right?

...... right.

...
Then, then,.... they took toes, and fingers, and then, eventually whole limbs... and organs... But somehow, I am never able to find anything wrong with things disappearing--they have always been missing, except for a sneaking suspicion inside that screams: "WAKE UP!!!! They're trying to take your ......" then the last part garbled, and clearly suppressed. Not quite muted, just scrambled and filtered, censored. ( I think they took something that was a pride or joy in my life. Something definitive of me... I can't say what it is, since I don't think I've ever had that... But their snickering seem to indicate it was something that I'd be sad to not have.) Then my torso shortened... Like those seen in discovery channel, where they froze a person's body and cut centimeter by centimeter to take picture of the cross section. It just kept on getting shorter... I was getting anxious... But what was I to do? I can't seem to remember what I would do in such a situation... It would appear that I do not have any facilities to respond to this situation. There aren't any instincts that would (still) appear to me to otherwise be logical... some kind of scape?

Finally, my head remains, suspended in a white space. (ohh, right, they seem to have taken furniture, and roads, and trees, and air, and earth, and all that too. But those seem so inconsequential and imaginary compared to my bald, naked, (now) ear-less, nose-less, lip-less, teeth-less head with two big round blinking eyes.

And they begin to carve into that as well. higher cognitive functions begin to fade... no no, they are taken slowly out, so that I don't miss them so much.Then something happens, as if they're tinkering with the wiring, faint remembrance of past memories, sensations, but only as if in a dream, flashes of lightening...

Then, as if returning from lunch, the aliens... are they aliens? well I call them aliens resumed their burglary: an eyeball here, a semi-sphere there... Finally, there was nothing left but the skull.

UGH! I can't think!!!!

Then, as vaguely as it begin, the lessening ended with the final vanishing of the outer of my consciousness.

But there's nothing wrong with this. I can't for the sake of goodness find any prove that I've ever existed, or that I've had a body or once thought...
"""

about cocks and what nots

Funny conversation, guy brags to girls:

"so, I used to have a cock for pet back on the farm..."

realizing something, he stopped. His good natured friend said to him..

"uhh, It's called a rooster, Otherwise, you may be coming up empty."


[girls laugh...]

more mod's

”“”
钱财如粪土，仁义值千金。＝》才华如粪土，人情值千金。
“”“

also, one observation is that by hypothetical syllogism we have 仁义 is also shit. ;-)

Funny Vallentine poems

From wikipedia:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roses_are_Red,_Violets_are_Blue
"""
They say roses are red
And violets are purple,
Sugar is sweet
And so is maple surple.
"""

They say roses are red
And violets are purple,
Sugar is so sweet
And you're so supple.



"""
They say roses are red
And violets are purple
Honey is sweet
but not as sweet as you.
"""


"""
Roses are FF0000
Violets are 0000FF
All of my bases
are belongs to you
"""
holy geek pride...

sex, marriage, and civility

"""
In any traditional civil society, frequent sexual encounter obligates the man and women to soon be engaged and locked in marriage.

In any modern civil society, it is impolite not to have sex with the girl.
"""

sex, marriage, and civility

"""
In any traditional civil society, frequent sexual encounter obligates the man and women to soon be engaged and locked in marriage.

In any modern civil society, it is impolite not to have sex with the other person.
"""

the secret to lack of enemy

Copied from a post on unknownspace.com

"人至贱则无敌"

master piece theatre

"""
...And he nibbled at her breasts in wonton play...
"""

How they have fun

“儒乐、释喜、道快、耶稣爱”

which movie does this come from?

".... the galaxy' xenophobia club...."

Shiksa

Shiksa means non-jewish women that attracts or have completed attraction of Jewish man.



老外, 香/芭蕉，鸡／鸭／皮蛋，鬼子，ABC。

what else have similar derogatory meaning in Chinese in the dating/marriage context?