Last Year's Personal Ad

I wanted to take this Christmas day opportunity to post a funny Personal Ad I put up last year in a Chinese dating site called 2redbeans. It's not thing as articulate and detailed and funny as the one used in the movie If You are the one (I), it needs some polish, but funny as draft:

本人黑白分明, 上能踢第七天堂,下可踹第十九层地狱.能吃好干,省食耐用,爱才如命,尊老爱幼,昵称欢欢也.


English translation by google;
Huan's a nice guy. He watches a lot of tv, like 7th heaven and the 19th level of hell. He likes to eat and do it, loves money as if it was his life, but he is abstemious when it comes to himself; Will take care of your parents and raise kids. And his first name repeated twice is another way to refer to him.

The headshot to this, btw, is Kungfu Panda kicking the 7th heaven ;-)
 

You've lost weight

Today, some hot chicks at work said that my compliment to her "hey! you've lost weight" was not a compliment. That it implied that she was overweight before.

"That's not how you're supposed to say it, say, you look nice today"... one of them helped out...

"Have you lost weight?" I added..

"No, that still meant you think she weight too much"

"But it's really noticeable!!" I said! (slimmer waist on a big boned girl is very very visible)

The pair of girls gave up in frustration...

"Well, you look really good!" I said, trying to make up for the mile in my mouth...

"Thank you" she said, and disappeared before I could say another word.

sigh... it's nice to hear an honest response to my compliment...

Regarding age, sex, and the quantity thereof

I feel compelled to post a link and copy this article by By Dr. Seth L. Haber, MD, FCAP posted on a site called yourdictionary.com, which, I've gathered dervies from his book named Innovations in Pathology. The portions reproduced here are not with knowledge and approval of author or publisher.


The ones related with medicine are especially funny: a bundle of neurologist, a smear of obgyn... A Scam of corporate officers...

"""
...
birds are a flock, a congregation, a flight, a volery, or an aviary. The nightingales that sing you to sleep are a watch. Several rooks are a building or a clamor, hawks a cast, snipes a walk or a wisp, quail or larks a bevy, grouse a brood or a cover, pheasants a nide, and partridges a covey. Peacocks, as we all know, are an ostentation, a muster, or a pride. Plover are a stand. In flight, ducks are a team or a skein, a paddling on the water, or a brace if only a pair. Mallards, in particular, are a flush, a paddling, a sord, or a sute. Geese are a gaggle on the water, but a flight anywhere else. Herons are a siege, where'er they may be. Swans are a herd, a team, a bank, or a wedge. Eagles (bald or hirsute) are a convocation. Parrots are a flock. Cormorants are a flight. Ravens are an unkindness, and crows are a murder (most fowl?). Swans are a herd, a team, a bank, or a wedge. Turkeys are a rafter. Starlings aggregate as a murmuration, larks an exaltation, turtledoves a pitying, and goldfinches a charm. Woodcock are a fall or flight and woodpeckers a descent
...
elk are a gang, foxes an earth or a skulk, sheep and goats a trip, tribe, herd, or flock, lions a pride, sowse, sault, troop, or a flock, bears a sloth or a sleuth, and hares a drove, husk, or a down. Deer are a herd. For the gatherers, too many nouns of multitude are a plethora. Buffalo are a troop or a herd, wolves a pack or a rout, domestic pigs a doylt, litter, trip, or herd, wild swine a sounder, oxen a drove, and
leopards a leap. Dogs come as a kennel or a brace; if wild, a pack
...
wish for a barren of mules, a herd or haras of horses (I know it may seem a contradiction, but there sometimes seems to be more horses' harases in this world than horses). Colts are a rag, and chamois are a herd, although I would have imagined it would be a rag of chamois and a herd of colts. Badgers are a cete or set, moles a labor, kangaroos a troop, and ferrets a feamying. Those cute little kittens are a kindle, cats a clouder, tomcats a clowder, cluster, or glaring, curs a cowardice, and apes a shrewdness. Boars are a singular and some humans are singularly boaring. Ferrets are a business
...
[fishes are]a school, draught, haul, run, or a shoal. Commercial fisherman refer to them as a catch. Herrings are an army, perch a pack, sardines a family, jellyfish a smuck, and lox a mekhaya
...
Witches are a coven, boys a blush, girls a bevy or a giggle, beauties a galaxy, children a troop, butlers a drought, hermits an observance, consultants a maven, and some editors a pain. Worshippers are a congregation and angels a host. Thieves are a gang or a skulk, ruffians a horde, blackguards a mob, robbers a band, and some people a crowd
...
[Physicians are a]college, and often a bore. In conventions, they may be a caution. In days of yore, they were an independence; now, they are a review of peers and an inadequacy of reimbursement. Medical students often are a disappointment, and interns a trial or a tribulation. Residents come by the rotunda, although I have heard some refer to a term of residents. Orthopoedists are a brace, osteopaths a joint, and podiatrists a parade. Dermatologists are a rash. Surgeons are an incision, a pack, or a stitch. Many an anesthesiologist is a gasser.
...
Neurologists are a twitch or a bundle. Analysts are a dream, psychiatrists a complex or a detachment, virologists a strain, geneticists are a gene or a succession. Don't forget, there are some cytogeneticists who look great in designer genes. Immunologists are a complement, mycologists a tuft, parasitologists a cycle, and epidemiologists a plague or a vector. Gastroenterologists are a rumble or an eructation. Cardiologists may be a cor, a thrill, a flutter or a murmuration, diagnosticians a guess, hematologists a clump or a blast, and radiologists a ray, a screen, or a scan. Both electrocardiographers and electroencephalographers are a squiggle, and ultrasonographers are a sounding
...
gynecologists are a sexion or a smear, cytologists a cell, obstetricians a push or a labor, and pediatricians a nursery or a squall. Urologists must be a stream or a puddle. Otolaryngologists are a gaggle, otologists a herd, and ophthalmologists an ogle or a see. Plastic surgeons are a pride, a tuck, or an augmentation, and dentists a drill
...
Anatomists are a corps or a gross. Pathologists, those gentlemen and scholars, are a section or a tissue, some say "a lesion." Forensic pathologists are a slew or, like crows, a murder. Occasionally, hospital administrators and governmental bureaucrats may be a plague
...
physicists, a big bang or a cosmos of astronomers, a reaction of chemists, a slither of herpatologists, a wilt of horticulturists, or a testing of psychometricians (those souls who time men's tries)? What about a lynching of attorneys, a number of accountants, an assemblage of factory workers, a scurrying of gofers, a typing of secretaries, a fraud of auditing/accounting firms and a scam of corporate officers
...
A couple (mating pair) of ducks, known as a drake and a duck, may have a duckling. The group would still be known as a team or a skein, a paddling on the water, or a brace if only a pair, and a flush, a paddling, a sord, or a sute if they're mallards. But, let's move on.
...
Mr. and Mrs. Goose, a gander and a dame, is a gosling. A cob and a pen swan, may produce a little cygnet. The mating of a cock and a hen eagle produces an eaglet. Grouse produce a cheeper or a poult, hawks an eyas, partridges a squeaker; and cock and hen pigeons a squab. Of course, everybody knows that a peacock's mate is a peahen, and that a cock pheasant mates with a hen. Cock and a hen fishes may have fries
...
mating of a jackass and a she-ass will produce a colt or a foal. A boar and a sow badger will produce a set, while a bear and a she-bear will beget a cub. A bull and a cow, whether buffalo, camel, or whale, produce a calf.
...
kindle of kittens. A stag or a hart red deer, mating with a hind, will produce a fawn or calf. A buck and a doe fallow deer produce a fawn and, if they are roe deer, a roe-buck and a doe produce a kid or a fawn
...
billy-goat and a nanny-goat produce a kid. Ferrets are a dog and a bitch. A dog-fox and a vixen produce a cub. A buck and a doe hare produce a leveret, not a bunny rabbit. A dog and bitch produce a puppy. There is no such thing as "a hare of the dog," although the condition necessitating the search for one may be a bitch
...
horse and a mare produce a foal which, in its teenage years, may harass its otherwise stable parents. Big cats, including the leopard and leopardess, the lion and the lioness, and the tiger and the tigress, all produce cubs. A dog and bitch otter also produce a cub. The boar and souse pig, if domestic (sounder, if wild) produce piglets. A hob and a jill polecat can produce kittens. Ram and ewe sheep produce lambs
"""


11/17/2011

Looking back

I'm reading through my backlog of unposted blog entries. Below is a copy of a draft circa q4 2010, a slight repeat of this entry. This thread of thought continues in my mind, though now has transformed, hopefully, to a more material facts based and quantitative analysis.

There are probably some social trends that cannot be overcome by individual efforts. Like, why is it that I feel gay people are more welcomed in high-tech work place than straight people? Is it just my imagination? There has to be something that I'm missing here. What is the economic benefit to the company if more employees are gay? Some of their sexual behavior tend to increase the risk for diseases which in turn increases cost of health insurance. Their being single or not married does not seem to impact the company's taxes...

I wonder if it is because of their spending habits? Do gay people spend more money than straight people? As below, do Koreans and Indian people spend more and save less of their earnings than Chinese? is this why they appear to be more welcomed in the US?

"""
The Chinese (the country P.R. of China) are flexing their muscles. The Nobel boycott being the most notable, but also an attempt to buy American soil in Nevada to mine rare earth metals. What audacity!! Buying American land? In the history of America only Americans have money buy other people's land !!

But to be honest, I think this recent bout of struggle for a fair place in the world ("global dominance" according to american media) may end in failure. HuJintao's term may end voluntarily 10 years from when he took power in November of 2012, which is exactly two years from now. I feel this may be the case because I, among many Chinese, have no faith in the Chinese government. So what if every few terms there come a fairly successful, young, and reasonable leader? It's only been around for sixty some years. Look at the American democracy, two hundred odd years of continued survival and dominance in its semi-sphere and certainly within its continent.

Added on top of that, for the most part of it's existence, it had been a country that exercised government mandated discrimination and public acts of hatred toward it's own people. I, being of Chinese origin, know that my people have been seen as the lowest and treated the worst. 

The fact that American openly embrace Korean and Indian more so than Chinese is not because the Chinese are a lesser people, as they would like you to believe, but it is because of the spirit within these people whom tho physically participate in the economy and labor force resist the continuing the fact of segregation, persecution, and enslavement within the United States of America. I continue to feel that there is not one accent that I can speak with that makes me feel acceptable among those in power, not the worst accent used by my Indian colleagues, nor any of those rounded cutesy Asian accents. Coworkers have for the most part will take any and all opportunity to mock me. The grass is definitely greener on the other side of the glass door (glass door is the replacement for the glass ceiling, on the surface, you are on the same level with the others, but you know they're being treated differently on the other side of the glass and you can see it!)

Because of this, the Chinese is bound to fail. Despite it's large population, overcoming the adversities of America is not something on the horizon. And even if the battle is won, there is still a war in progress... and you're either with them, or not.

"""

Happy Marriage!!

A great friend of mine is married right now, previously, I had written about the Han Chinese marriage ceremony (which consists entirely of kowtowing and bowing). Tonight, I'd like to copy down for you some well wishes Chinese guests give to their hosts during a wedding, all of which I wish upon my friends marrying, married, or will marry:

• 新婚快乐
• 早生贵子
• 白头偕老
• 比翼双飞
• 美满爱情
• 感天动地
• 天赐良缘
• 永结同心
• 百发齐眉
• 举案齐眉
• 天长地久
• 翱翔蓝天
• 情投意合
• 白首齐眉
• 鸳鸯比翼
• 天作之合
• 喜庆洞房
• 相亲相爱
• 永浴爱河
• 缘订三生
• 乐赋唱随
• 佳儿佳妇
• 君子好逑
• 美满缘缘
• 唱随谐乐
• 相敬如宾
• 花烛筵开
• 宜室宜家
• 瓜瓞延绵
• 德业同修
• 心心相印
• 美满家庭
• 鸿案相庄
• 五世其昌
• 良缘夙缔
• 美满良缘
• 欢迎淑女
• 缕结同心
• 郎才女貌
• 诗咏好述
• 天缘巧合
• 鸾凤和鸣
• 喜溢华堂
• 金石同心
• 爱之永恒
• 百年好合
• 琴瑟在御
• 佳偶蜜月
• 宜尔室家
• 钟鼓乐之
• 夫唱妇随
• 莲花并蒂
• 笙磬同音
• 花开并蒂
• 如鼓琴瑟
• 情联碧合
• 玉树良枝
• 神仙眷属
• 才子佳人
• 关睢志喜
• 福禄鸳鸯
• 锦绣龙凤
• 情投意合
• 亦绳系足
• 甜蜜的爱
• 并蒂长生
• 琴瑟友之
• 花好月圆
• 蓝田种玉
• 佳偶天成
• 珠联壁合
• 爱情结晶
• 凤凰于飞
• 同德同心
• 喜耦天成
• 月圆花好
• 亲爱精诚
• 永在爱中
• 风美河洲
• 书称厘降
• 麟趾呈祥
• 琴瑟和鸣
• 螽斯衍庆
• 风雨同路
• 凤凰于飞
• 琴瑟相调
• 天作之合
• 琴瑟和鸣
• 同心同德
• 夫贵妻荣
• 以沐相濡
• 柔情似水
• 佳期如梦

The Fourth Mouse!

Recently, at a dinner party with close friends, I had the opportunity to explain an interesting analogy for startups. It was the wise old tale that tells of three mice trying to overcome hunger and their human conditions:

The first mouse wasn't hungry, it saw the cheese on the trap and made a pass at it. It was caught by the trap and killed. Its spine broken and its blood drains and soaks the cheese

The second mouse was a little hungry, and saw the cheese, so it ate the cheese despite the blood. Because the trap was tripped by the first mouse, the second mouse did not get hurt.

The third mouse came and was very hungry. But the cheese has already been eaten by the second mouse, so it wondered away. Third mouse wasn't hurt, but probably dies of hunger eventually...

The fourth mouse came and is famished. It ate the first mouse.

(Sorry... on several occasions in my teenage years, I had seen perfectly fine animals that I saw the day before eat each other the next day (well, I saw a fat one and a missing one), I'm sure that has something to do with my telling of this story)

But it made sense--everybody nodded, half in disgust, half lost in thought. Despite the merry buzz that our grogs have given us, reality quite rudely, and quite suddenly came into focus, even for me, and that we all understood the perilous nature of the journey on which we were all about to embark.

Red Riding Hood

Loved Amanda Seyfried as Valerie the little Red Riding Hood. man, I can hear Catherine Hardwicke whispering "savage me..." as she sees her beloved appear in front of her in the woods. oh, and Gary Oldman is just as creepy as all of his other characters... But anyways, I want to copy down the dialog during the dream sequence (sorry about the spoiler)

"What big eyes you have, grandma"
"The better to see you with dear!"
"What big ears you have, grandma"
"The better to hear you with dear!"
"What big teeth you have, grandma"
"The better to eat you with!!"

There is something so titillating about a innocent maiden in presence of absolute evil and threat of certain physical harm. Here's one longer version from here:

"Grandmother, what big arms you have!"
"All the better to hug you with, my dear."
"Grandmother, what big legs you have!"
"All the better to run with, my child."
"Grandmother, what big ears you have!"
"All the better to hear with, my child."
"Grandmother, what big eyes you have!"
"All the better to see with, my child."
"Grandmother, what big teeth you have got!"
"All the better to eat you up with."

I suppose there is reason behind the removal of "Little" from the original fairytale. The movie talks about her falling in love, being engaged but having relationship outside of engagement, witch hunt subplot, love, hate, betrayal, religion, torture, affairs and the products there of, man versus nature,... some very very serious adult themes and scenes. Supposedly the original moral of the story is that young kids should not speak to strangers. (And actually, more gruesome, if you imagine wolf wearing grandma's skin when she asks her these things.) A slight more thoughtful interpretation is that young women should not be talked into sex by man-wolves. But this modern interpretation has the red riding hood already in love with a man eventually becomes the big bad wolf. The father, who is already a big bad wolf, dealing with his human daemons. ugh! this story is so ugly and seems so real. I wonder if the writer, David Johnson, who wrote for another one of my favorite movie: "The Shawnshank Redemption", has experienced such... wolf claws her wife's face, kills the daughter that is not his.. But the wife survives on... Seems like what a stepfather might want to do...

alas, Innocence is corrupted by love, and succumbs to evil, elopes to the mountains and the forests... lovely, but breaks with the whole reason why this story even existed in the first place!!

I feel like I did something bad enjoying this whole thing. It's so wrong, and yet feels so right!!

ugh, the tortures of humanity and beastiality!!!

Google and Anticopyblogism

Google blog announced recently that they downgraded sites that copy other sites.

"""

and we wanted to let people know what’s going on. This update is designed to reduce rankings for low-quality sites—sites which are low-value add for users, copy content from other websites or sites that are just not very useful...

"""

oh shit! Google finally caught on and decided to downgrade my copy blog! :(

Sadly, copy blogs often do serve some purpose. For instance, in my drunken haze I posted to facebook something about "Time is the fire within which we burn"...

If you search the quoted text on google (with or without quotes), you will find half a page full of text none of which leads to Delmore Schwartz's poem Calmly We Walk Through This April's Day, actual text here.(which btw, is also not mentioned on Delmore's Wiki entry) which contains the phrase "...that time is the fire in which we burn." The text is fully reproduced here, just to spite google I guess. hahahaa, man, I feel so pathetic, much like Don Quixote, charging at a large man made giant whose mechanical motion cares nothing about what it is that I'm typing... sigh... maybe, some day, descendant of Watson will laugh at this, standing on human skulls and bones, saying "oh man, I could parse that and figure out those two are basically the same"

"""

Calmly we walk through this April's day,
Metropolitan poetry here and there,
In the park sit pauper and rentier,
The screaming children, the motor-car
Fugitive about us, running away,
Between the worker and the millionaire
Number provides all distances,
It is Nineteen Thirty-Seven now,
Many great dears are taken away,
What will become of you and me
(This is the school in which we learn...)
Besides the photo and the memory?
(...that time is the fire in which we burn.)

(This is the school in which we learn...)
What is the self amid this blaze?
What am I now that I was then
Which I shall suffer and act again,
The theodicy I wrote in my high school days
Restored all life from infancy,
The children shouting are bright as they run
(This is the school in which they learn . . .)
Ravished entirely in their passing play!
(...that time is the fire in which they burn.)

Avid its rush, that reeling blaze!
Where is my father and Eleanor?
Not where are they now, dead seven years,
But what they were then?
No more? No more?
From Nineteen-Fourteen to the present day,
Bert Spira and Rhoda consume, consume
Not where they are now (where are they now?)
But what they were then, both beautiful;

Each minute bursts in the burning room,
The great globe reels in the solar fire,
Spinning the trivial and unique away.
(How all things flash! How all things flare!)
What am I now that I was then?
May memory restore again and again
The smallest color of the smallest day:
Time is the school in which we learn,
Time is the fire in which we burn.

Delmore Schwartz

"""

copy posts from recent foray into dating

was on a date recently, captured an entry for the 肉麻博客:

"你的手好小....好小巧...小巧玲珑....俗话说的好，人是十指连心，美丽的手说明你有一颗美丽的心...."

First words, the morning after

"Did you make any audio or video record us last night? I'll Have you know you wont be the only one with an embarrassing artifact on me..."


And interesting observation:

"人才如粪土，人情值千金"

and

"Blogging is the e-soup for the soul..."

girl problems

"""
Some girls are 北极上面的冰激凌沙漠里面的干燥剂, there's no heat in my loin warm enough to melt her heart, nor tears real enough to make her wet.
"""

note to self, buy flowers for girls following the 100 flowers rule

I was reminded of the 100-flowers episode recently. I think popular media in American tend to make people believe that those people who speaks out, who differentiate himself will win more often than those who don't. Although, now I feel that perhaps it's not right. Perhaps the best is to remain anonymous and unrecognized.

If a movement is started to try to find problems, I think maybe there is a larger probability that it is an effort to discover a few dissidents (for lack of a better word) than the probability that it is an earnest effort to make improvement. 80/20 rule rules. find that 20%, cut them off, and keep the 80% who will keep you happy.

I mean, that's the only rational thing to do. And in a democracy, it will actually work. 51/49 rule will work!

So, in sum, it seems that one should not fall pray to innocent request for comments and suggestions from their bosses when the request is made en masse.

anyways, some residual thoughts from 2010... happy new year everyone!